Roy Clemens Carney

More Mourning

The event that I wrote about yesterday has become the third official scar that death has inflicted on me. I’ve experienced a lot of the same emotions that I did when Kyle died. I keep running the scenario through my mind and as Craig pointed out in a conversation we had a week ago, I bargain with God. “Wait that didn’t really happen. God I’ll give you xxxxxx if you just turn the clock back.”

I’ll be doing something during the day and then almost like I’ve forgotten for a split second, the dark reality of what has happened hits me again and I replay the tragic event over. I’ve thought about why Gabriel’s death has hit me so hard. I think it is in part because I know so many precious four year olds in my own life and the thought of that happening to Caleb, Ellie, Calla, Judah, Jack, Sutton, Jude, Avery, or Annie is horrifying. But I think that is how we empathize and enter into situations like that. We ask of ourselves how we would feel in the same situation. I’m sorry if you find that a bit bold, but I’m not in a bull-shitting mood tonight.

I study the problem of evil or more broadly providence quite a bit at seminary. It doesn’t seem to me that any answer really ever satisfies. Maybe that is why Job ends the way it does.

O God where are you now?

Ellie Wiesel located God in the gallows, hanging next to a Jewish boy who was slowly suffocating in a concentration camp.

When I think about Gabriel’s last couple of moments, I don’t see him running towards his death, I see him running into the arms of Jesus. Gabriel ran out the present and into the eternal. I see him doing all the things that four year olds love to do. And then I hear him being called by God. And God says to Gabriel, “Well done thy good and faithful servant. You demonstrated Me to those around you and you brought about joy in those in lives around you especially your parents and brothers and sister. They’ll be here soon Gabriel, but for right now I want you to begin to enjoy Me for all eternity.”

Gabriel knows nothing of our pain. For him perfect joy has just begun.

……interlude of thought……

Every time something like this happens I think the stakes get a little higher for me. I have all my eggs in one basket. Either the resurrection is true and everything about my existence makes sense or it is not and it does not.

Lord I believe, help my unbelief.

I Cor. 15:50-7

50 What I am saying, brothers and sisters,* is this: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51Listen, I will tell you a mystery! We will not all die,* but we will all be changed, 52in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 53For this perishable body must put on imperishability, and this mortal body must put on immortality. 54When this perishable body puts on imperishability, and this mortal body puts on immortality, then the saying that is written will be fulfilled:
‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’
55‘Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?’
56The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Amen

Dancing to Mourning

Tonight I got a call from my sister (Noel) who in a teary and broken voice told me that my other sister’s (Kristin) best friend lost her youngest child. As her husband was backing out of his driveway, he ran over the couple’s youngest of five Gabriel. Gabriel (4 years old) is with Jesus now.

I don’t really know where to begin with this one. It’s not that my personal loss in this situation is great, I’ve only met the couple once, but as one who is now expecting and increasingly aware of just how precious children and life are, I’m heartbroken for this family.

The other night I was watching 7th Heaven, which though it celebrated it’s last episode ever last season is now again on the air for another new one???, and in the episode Reverend Camden told his daughter Lucy, who had just lost twins due to a miscarriage that, “you don’t get over some things in life, you just get though life and they never go away.”

Someday Gabriel will be raised from the dead. We will all ask with Paul “Where is your victory death, where is your sting?” Until then, we will mourn and remember.

Maybe the best answer I have is this. John 11:35 “Jesus wept.”

Mourning to Dancing

Today I went to Dr. Foster’s funeral. Afterwards I made my way to Kyle’s gravesite. On my way there I realized that two of my soon to be three trips followed funerals. I guess that is because they get me thinking about death, and up to this point in my life Kyle’s may be the most poignantly felt death that I’ve experienced.

Julie Pennington Russell did the funeral and she did a wonderful job. Her message was “The Death of Death.” She pointed out a strange sort of juxtaposition that crossed my mind when Kyle died. In 1 Cor. 15 Paul quoting Hosea asks of death where is it’s victory where is it’s sting. I suppose that, that is a comforting passage and there are times when death is not so immediate, that this is exactly what we celebrate as Christians. We can in a cocky fashion taunt the very thing Christ has defeated.

But as Julie pointed out we cannot lie to ourselves because we know that death indeed has a sting. The day Kyle died, two very dear couple friends of Lindsay and I came over to pray with us. Probably because of disbelief and hurt I didn’t have anything to add to the prayer. I simply needed to hear from God. My one friend opened up the prayer very prophetically and therapeutically with, “Father we confess that death does have a sting.”

These are two tensions and/or perspectives we live with. Dietrich Bonhoeffer is helpful on this point. He had two categories for understanding dialectic truths like this. He referred to those truths that belong to the ultimate and the pen-ultimate. Julie eloquently brought those both together for us today.

So today when I took my trip to see Kyle I did so celebrating the pen-ultimate for the first time. This is the reality to which Kyle and Dr. Foster now belong. So to celebrate with Kyle, I stopped at Common Grounds and purchased a cup of Cowboy Coffee on ice and pulled into the graveyard not with the somber notes of Simon and Garfunkel, but rather with the celebration of Coldplay. I thought about how well I lived my life this last year and thanked Kyle for all the growth he’s help foster in both Lindsay and my lives.

Psalm 30:11
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing

Better than Harris

I’ve voiced this complaint to a few of you, but here it is on paper. So I take time to try and write thoughtful and consistent posts for a week. I get like one maybe two nods over the course of a day or two. Harris on the other hand, basically verbally barfs and posts something with the title “random” and within fifteen seconds has about 20 comments. Wish I had wranglers, a sexy ass, and an aura that screams rugged.

Anyhow that is the same style employed in what follows. Random.

Today Lindsay I went to Dr. appt. number 2. We got to hear the baby’s heart beat. Man that was a trip. The kid is real.

Went to Circuit City to buy the Zoo Tour DVD which is being released for the first time ever on DVD. Found it on the shelf and went to ask why it was priced two dollars higher than I saw it on the internet. Answer…”Oh, sorry that actually isn’t for sale until tomorrow. We just put it on the shelf or people to see. Don’t worry the sale price goes into effect tomorrow.” At least they are finally going to release it. Keep your fingers crossed for the 1997 Pop Mart, live from Mexico City DVD.

I preach a sermon for my class on Wednesday. I’ve been preparing for about a week now. I keep envisioning myself giving it and I keep trying to be like Gideon in my head. I’m afraid this may end in disaster and a bunch of moments where I try and be humorous only to have crowd stare at me blankly. Maybe you could pray for me for that.

Watching Letterman right now. Rupert G. is on. Love that guy.

O.K. I’m finished writing

predictable?

There are about three ways I know of in which open theists suggest that God comes by the knowledge he does have of the future. One of them is through knowing agents who have characters that have become completely solidified and thus the truth value of the counterfactual of creaturely freedom is no longer understood as “might or might not,” but rather as the molonists suggest “would or would not.”

I’ve often wondered how a truly libertarian free agent could ever reach a point where she is completely predictable, but recently I was the subject of a incident that demonstrates precisely just that.

Every morning the last one to leave the house has three jobs. Turn of the Early Show, set the thermostat, and set the alarm. This last Friday I left first, but to be helpful decided to undertake two of the tasks. I turned of the T.V. and made my way to the thermostat. When I got there I added some typical sound effects to my action. By typical I mean that I’ll often add sound effects to my simple duties, but not typical in the sense that I’ve ever added this particular sound effect to this action. Anyhow, as I turned up the thermostat three degrees I offered the onomapopoeia “beep, beep, beep” indicating that the temperature had been raised three degrees. Realizing the thermostat now read 84 degrees instead of 81 degrees I quickly realized that it had already been raised by my wife. Naturally, I lowered the temperature three degrees and again offered my narration, “Beep, beep, beep.”

Now my wife who was in our bathroom clear across the house somehow figures out exactly what I am doing and yells, “I already set the thermostat.” Dumbfounded I’ll peaked around the corner to see if she was looking. Nope, just as I suspected she was still in the bathroom. Somehow, I guess being married for the past two years, I’ve become so predictable that she can tell what I’m doing by listening for my sporadic noises.

Crazy, I figure this makes Boyd et. all’s tenet more plausible.

shot guns and pick up trucks

I’ve been working for the city for about 3 months now. One thing it has done is give me significant insight into the blue-collar community. Growing up I more or less socially scorned them and their practices thinking that they were somewhat Bush league. There is a website where you can type in your zip code and it gives a few words that describe the demographic make up of the area. If you put in 54487, where I grew up, you get the description "shot guns and pick up trucks." Needless to say, growing up in this community colored my experience and opinon. Like all people though, once you know one, your opinion generally changes. I used to wonder why they could all stand around a truck for ten minutes talking about one guys dog story, or about how one guy had to fix his water heater.

The truth is they need community just like we do at UBC. The truth also is, they do community very well. When one of them leaves, they mourn. When one of them gets hurt they get concerned. When one of them gets promoted, they celebrate.

I was tickled and taught by a conversation that ignored radio etiquette this last Monday, as I was patrolling. One of the maintenance guys gave instructions to the other over a radio. Then after about a minute after they had exchanged their have a good day I’m going home dialogue, the one guy comes back on the radio and asks in a tentative tone, “Hey, XXXX, how is your wife doing?”

I learn stuff from the blue-collar folks and if I’m honest I guess I’m one of now. They have a deep appreciation for life. I think they genuinely enjoy a lot of the simple things that I miss. I’ve actually inaugurated, well not me alone necessarily, we’ll say I’ve decided to participate in my own blue-collar practice of late. I meet with a couple of friends for happy hour on Friday afternoons. I hope I get as good at bullshiting about the same seemingly insignificant material. There is something magical about the way they live and enjoy life, and I’m going to figure out what it is.

different cowboy hats

Last night Lindsay and I joined my brother and sister-in-law for some Labor Day fireworks and carnival type fun. It was put on by their church, which is nothing less than what I characterize as a mega-church. I’ve gotten cynical of such institutions, probably because of my post-secondary educational experience. So I went with a bit of skepticism.

When I got there my expectations were disappointed by friendly people, great organization, and a good time. While I was sitting watching the fire works, ignoring the conflation of God and country, I thought to myself, “is this a good mission for a church?” It is a highly suburbanized population that brings in other suburbanized people. I’m not sure that this is anything to be cynical about. After all, the gospel makes no qualification about which people bring the gospel to which people. Bottom line the church is creating a place for families to be, and in the process getting other families involved.

Here’s part of the reason I’ve lost my cynicism of such institutions. My good friend and co-worker Lanny tells me that we all go to cowboy churches, it’s just that we wear different hats. This comment came at the end of a lengthy discussion we had about how dumb we thought it was that they would have a church just for cowboys. I’m mean what’s next, a church for stockbrokers, one for shoe salesmen etc. The conclusion we came to is characterized by Lanny’s statement.

I go to a cowboy church. At my church the cowboys are mostly 18-35 and somewhat cynical about the institutional church. At Antioch, the cowboys raise their hands and have a unique zeal, at Dayspring the cowboys like it sacred and simple, and at 1st Baptist the cowboys like it traditional with ties. At my brother’s church, the cowboys love their families, are deeply convicted about the things they do believe, are trying hard to figure out what it means to follow Jesus, and put a lot of energy into serving their community.

I’m going to try and be less cynical.



On a different note, I’m saddened by the loss of Steve Irwin. I’ve been thinking about why I might care about his death a little more than other celebrity’s. I think Steve embodied a passion that was contagious. I never saw a moment of him on the camera where he wasn’t genuine about his love for his family, animals, or conservation. He was very likable and he will be missed. Thanks for the memories Steve.

satruday afternoon thought

My favorite chick flick of all time is “You’ve Got Mail.” I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I love just about everything in that movie. I like Tom Hanks boat, I love the bookshop, I love Meg Ryan’s apartment, I love New York but most of all I love the dialogue.

I think this is interesting too. Throughout the movie both main characters identify reasons why they couldn’t be with each other, yet at the movie’s conclusion they both find out that indeed they could love each other and in fact do.

This reveals something I’m often guilty of. I couldn’t even count the number of times anymore where I initially judge a person and as I get to know them find out just how likable they are and how wrong I was. Hopefully I won’t get it wrong forever.

confessions of a seminary student

I know that at some point a reformed counterpart will read this e-mail and comment something like, “see you just confessed what we accuse you of. We are completely Biblical in our conclusion.” In the past I’ve asked such people not to comment, but I give up.

Having said that I’m going to tell you how all seminary students (including my Calvinist, dispensational, and fundamental counterparts), come to have a systematic theology. It goes something like this…

Today in my Paul class we talked about Ernst Kasemann’s article on the “righteousness of God” in Romans. Now this particular article and another topic “pistou christou” have been of much interest to me as of late. They both deal with the subjective vs. objective understandings of genitive Greek constructions. This is the first material to really interest me for quite some time in seminary. It’s not that the debate is new only my discovering it.

This is usually what happens in order for me to get excited about any idea in seminary. I have an existing idea of how something should work. Eventually I find that I’m not the first to think such a thing and then the journey begins. For the next couple of weeks you find all of the historical characters in the history of theology that have said the same thing and then eventually you come to the conclusion that you can hold the theological tenet and not be a heretic, or at least if you are going to be accused of heresy you can be such in good company. After this process is completed the idea is chewed and applied to other theological doctrines and then the position is solidified.

In short all thinkers and theologians have presuppositions and most theological journeys are simply about finding data to corroborate those initial presuppositions that one is comfortable with.

My point is this. I wonder how many of us really come to seminary to learn? How many of us really come with a blank slate in search of truth? I don’t think it is as many as we might like to think.

chap stick makes for a good marriage

I think I wrote some time ago about loving your wife more now than you did the day you got married. Maybe I have not. Anyhow, that is the nature of this post. My dad used to tell me that all the time. I never really understood what he meant until I got married, and have now been married for two years. And even now I’m afraid to write that because experience tells me again in 10, 20 and 50 years I’ll think about this post and think to myself that I really didn’t even know what love was at that point in our marriage. For now I’ll just assume that is both true and false and both for good reason.

Well here is my little anecdote that corroborates the above comments. Lindsay I made our weekly trip to the HEB this last weekend. Somehow we ended up in the cosmetic isle and in very Josh fashion I looked at the Burt’s Bees chap stick and commented that I would purchase one if we were not poor. Here I add a couple of qualifiers. First, were not really poor. In fact most days I come home to my new home feeling immensely blessed to have all that we do. The term poor rather, refers to the fact that we are due with our first child in about 7 months and thus need to pinch the occasional penny. Second qualifier. As an undergraduate marketing major and thus someone who should know better, I am a complete sucker for brand imaging. The only reason, if I’m honest, that I wanted the chap stick is because of the following mental process.

“I’m rugged or at least trying to make people think I am. Rugged people are outdoorsy. Bee’s wax is a natural occurring substance. Rugged people are into natural. I better buy this chap stick since I like to be rugged.”

This is the same reason I recently purchased the Old Spice deodorant that has the word “mountain” in the name, ordered Harp beer occasionally and used Irish spring soap until I realized that my skin was too sensitive to use it. You see not only am I rugged, but I’m also deeply Irish.

Anyhow, back to my wife. When we finally got home and started unpacking our groceries, I found a stick of Burt’s Bees.

One of my favorite scenes from Good Will Hunting is when Robin Williams describes the little peccadilloes that make him love his wife. This was not a little peccadillo, but it was a small gesture that made a big difference. These are the small unselfish things my wife does that make loving her so easy.

Necessary Evil???

I first encountered this term in my long over drawn out study of the providence debate. Certainly its use is usually in a much different manner than I intend to do in what follows, yet the premise in a very small way, is much the same.

I think about soteriology quite a bit and probably more so lately because I’m going to re-explore “The Great Divorce” with the good people at UBC this semester. Anyhow, one of the issues that inevitably comes up in the soteriology discussion is heaven…and hell for that matter and their relationship to epistemology.

Here’s my point. I once heard a professor say that heaven is probably nothing like we think it is. For example, my professor loves golf yet he maintains that even if he could play golf for eternity, it would turn into hell. For some reason the one thing I’ve never grown weary of is playing ultimate Frisbee. I get really frustrated doing it sometimes, but every time I get a chance to play I love the experience. I really think that if I had to choose one thing to do for all eternity though, it would be playing baseball. I absolutely love the game. One of my favorite kinds of fun is the feeling of the baseball hitting the sweet part of the bat. Yet if I were to do this for eternity, one thing would have to be true. I would need to have something to work towards. I would hate it if I batted 1.000 ever year I played and hit a homerun every time I batted. What is much more exhilarating is the idea of improvement, getting better. A non-perfect batting average would be a necessary evil if you will for an eternity of fun.

What do you think?

HarryBU

Harris has left. Someone said to me that his leaving definitely feels like the end of a chapter. Somehow they are right. I don’t know what it is about Harry leaving, but it has introduced a strange sense of finality into our lives. We’ll see him again, but still, life will be different around here.

Someone how I was smart enough to anticipate his departure and have treasured the final moments I’ve had with him this summer. I soaked up the few bike rides we did for Friday mountain biking. I remember the few times we were able to play Frisbee together, and I remember all the memories I’ve gained from being with him the last two years.

Harris and Blair B. were the first two people I really talked to from UBC. There have been some other big hitters that have left since I gotten to UBC: Val T., the Evans, etc., but Harry I have known the best.

This reminds me of my post about my Tolkein friends. Hopefully Harry and I will stay in touch, but if I’m honest I’ve only done that real well with about 4 friends my whole life. Anyhow, as my life precedes it will do so marked by Harry. And somewhere in my own narrative I will write in a special character. Maybe Harry’s character will be someone with a relatively small role, but yet largely significant. For you Tolkein readers, Tom Bombadil comes to mind. I think I’d introduce him and then slowly weave him out of the story, till you almost forgot about him. Then, at a moment when the main character me is down and out and probably unable to make it any longer, I’d bring Harry back into the story and have him perform a super critical function.

Harris will be missed.


In the picture we are at Kyle's parent's ranch. Pictured are Ben UBCwaco Dudley, Matt Single Tons of Fun, Me, Harris Bechtold you so, Kyle, and Avery. Harry looks a bit strange, but its one of the few pictures I have with both of us in it.

knee deep in the lakes

This Sunday was a special day for me. I keep bugging Jen Lake to let me hang out with the boys without the 25 UBC girls that storm to the nursery after church to drool over them. Well, this last Sunday, my insider contact (Craig), got Lindsay and I into an exclusive lunch with Mrs. Gornto and the three Lake kids. Life was beautiful. I got to observe them for about an hour. Pure joy, that is what the kids elicit from folks around them.

Then, as if the day weren't already perfect, Mrs. Gornto picked up the tab. I fake fought her on it, like I do most times people offer to pay. No truly it was a blessing, especially since she hadn't really any idea who Lindsay and I were before Sunday.

On a different note, Betsy Dugan shattered her wrist this last weekend in New Mexico. The Dugan vacation was cut short with a surgery that most marathon runner couldn't have endured, but Betsy pulled through and now has a left hand that resembles robo-cop. Please pray for a speedy recovery for her, as there are lots of chocolate chip cookies that need to be baked.

To my friends who are absent this summer...I hope all is stellar.

thanks for the help

thanks moving helpers! We got moved out and into our new home in 1 1/2 hours.

6-5

Tonight I helped out at UBC with garage sale stuff. If I were to have a birthday party, these would by and large be the people that I invited (well at least in Waco). That is the main reason I like doing stuff at UBC. Most things are a good chance to hang out with peeps that I don’t get to see everyday. Craig was not there through. His presence would have made it better. Damn Barnes and Noble.

Our closing date got bumped because the city did not correctly do their job. We’ll hopefully close Wednesday. House stuff has made my life a zoo. I start my new job this week, move and am taking a class.

By the way for those of you who don’t know, I’m officially a park ranger at Cameron Park. My job includes leading kayaking, hiking, mountain biking, and canoeing trips. Pretty much the awesomest job ever.

I’m taking a course in Reformation theology. Pretty interesting. Today I read 60 pages of why Martin Luther really was anti-Semitic.

My reading has slowed down. I’m still fighting my way through the Da Vinci Code. If you want to see a good program on why many of Brown’s tenet’s fail come over and we can watch it on Tivo. Other than that I’ve just been reading a Karl Barth commentary on Philippians for another class I’m taking.

I watched that new trailer on Kyle everyday since Shea told me about it. Man is that powerful. I tried to download a thing on my blog, but all it did was turn my links blue. Hey does anyone know which Coldplay song that is? I would greatly appreciate it if you could tell me.

That is all for now…

Paul

I've never been a real big fan of Paul. I prefer to read the gospels. My image of Paul always included an overbearing personality that was unsympathetic with the struggles every Christian has. Last week I took a Philippians/Philemon May-mester class. I was reminded of how much more is in Paul especially when we remember his situation. Two verses in particular struck me.

Phil 3:15

15Let those of us then who are mature be of the same mind; and if you think differently about anything, this too God will reveal to you. NRSV

Wow is that a different attitude than that of most modern day scholars. I think it would be great if at the annual ETS convention, after someone had just gotten finished presenting a controversial idea, instead of persecuting them with harmful remarks, leaders of the Evangelical community just commented..."You know you ought to let that one go, but I'm not real worried because in due time, God will reveal the truth to you." Often we get the feeling that we need to defend our western orthodoxy. It seems to me that Paul isn't real worried about those who don't have the right attitude or if they disagree because he knows God will take care of it. Now there is a high view of providence...(clears throat...elbows John Piper...gives Wayne Grudem a stern look).

and

Philemon 14

14 but I preferred to do nothing without your consent, in order that your good deed might be voluntary and not something forced. NRSV

Here Paul is talking about keeping Onesimus as a partner in the gospel and not sending him back to Philemon. This strikes me as something that can be corroborated from experience. How much better is it when people do something of their own free will and without compulsion? I think this is one area in which or church shines...well in so far as I can tell. Anytime Ben or Singleton ask for help there seems to be a dozen sets of helping hands. I really enjoy that about UBC.

The Magic of May-Wrong

I’ve noticed a change in myself these days. When I was an adolescent, I would mark change by a drop in my voice or hair on my chest, but now I mark change by 20-year-old things. For example, I’ve noticed that most of my conversations with the Fillinghams are about APR’s and closings costs. My most recent conversation with my long life best friend Tom, was given to complaining about political policy. And my most recent call to my dad was to ask for instruction on a certain roofing technique. Yes, I am surely on my way to becoming boring.
Every Thursday Lindsay and I go to the Dugans. Lindsay and Betsy work on painting pots to fill orders and then when Robert and I get there, usually around 6:00, we eat dinner and casually lounge around the house for about an hour afterwards. Last night after I got done doing post dinner dishes, I made my way to the TV room. Annie, who I’ve recently started calling “may-wrong” (one of her two middle names) was watching the Princess Diaries. Now I have no particular interest in this movie and It wasn’t that I was tired and needed a break so to speak. So after about a minute of sitting down it had occurred to me why I made my way to the TV room. I really like hanging out with Annie. I don’t know what it is about kids. Probably something like the fact that last night after I finished my water and asked her to go fill it up, she reached into my cup grabbed a piece of ice and handed it to me and said “here, drink this.” She makes me laugh and I genuinely enjoy the life that she radiates. May-wrong is just the type of person you like to be around.
I love my nieces and nephews and always liked kids, but I guess this is the sort of thing that could be entailed in getting older too. When I was in college and before that I thought kids were cute, but didn’t really have the time or patience for them. I guess that changes when you get older.

your winners

Having been in school for the last 19 years of my life now, the real year end for me is May. This is usually the month that brings the most change. So this is my version of new years eve top moments of 2005-6.

Best full time new friends…the Dugans.

Best got to know a person on a deeper level at UBC fall semester…Shea Butter

Best got to know a person on a deeper level at UBC spring semester…Paola Pixie

Best movies (keep in mind my calendar is from may to may and I go to the dollar theatre so sometimes movies as late as three to four months later fall in or out of my year, hence no V for Vendetta).

10. Star Wars (III) had to make the list because it is Star Wars
9. Batman Begins
8. North Country
7. King Kong
6. Just Like Heaven
5. Chronicles of Narnia
4. Harry Potter 4
3. Pride and Prejudice
2. Crash
1. Walk the Line

Best actor
Mark Ruffalo

Best Actress
Reese Witherspoon

Best new tv show that I started watching
Grey’s Anatomy

Funniest Letterman appearance
Bill O’Reilly

Best Purchase (actually a Christmas present)
Tivo

Best Birthday present
Harry potter 1-5.

Top 5 books.
5. Kafka, Metamorphosis and other short stories
4. Lewis, Hideous Strength
3. Gladwell, Tipping Point
2. Brueggemann, Spirituality of the Psalms
1. Rowling, Potter 1-6

Best place to hang out in Waco
Crickets

Best place to have fun at
Cameron Park

Best class I took
New Kind of Christian
Dr.s Bechtold-you-so and Single-town

Band of the year
U2 (congratulations to U2 who has won this award for the last 20 years)

Name brand of the year
Patagonia

Best new beer
Warsteiner Dunkel

Best newly acquired hobby
Blogging

Best new station
National Geographic Channel

Best new post-modern product
The authentic community candle

Best Post-Emergent theologian
Craig Nash

Best Christian Metal Rock Band
DC Band

Gearin' up for summer in Waco

This will be Lindsay and my first summer here in Waco. People keep telling us we're in for a treat. I don't see how it can be any worse than this last August and September. When I first moved down here I used to comment that I didn't understand how civilization ever could have settled in some place as hot as this.

I'm lookin' forward to UBC life; from what I've heard it's quite different. Maybe a little more intimate. Hopefully my classes will not distract too much from having fun. I'm thinking about taking up disc golf. That seems like a cool postmodern thing to do. I was at Sports Authority today and noticed you can by three "shark brand" disks for about $25. I don't know if they are good ones. I suppose that's a weaver question.

My brother just bought a boat. So I look forward to getting down there and puttin my wakeboard skills to use. We'll see if ole' pudgy can get himself out of the water. Did I ever tell you that I was awesome when I was in highschool. I was one of those athletic kids. Kind of like Shea and Tone Tone now. I was the fast kid that everyone would have thrown the deep bomb to. Then Lee Ann Chins happened to me my junior year of college. 1st semester and 25 pounds later I wasn't the go to guy anymore. I was more like the go and watch guy or lets see what is on tv guy or I'm really in to pro sports guy cause all hope is gone of being a pro-athlete guy.

OK, I'm back from my break. I just went to the kitchen to get a beer, which I always poor into my special edition Leinenkugel pint glasses each etched with a great wisconsin fish. This particular glass represents honeyweiss and the fish is a Walleye. Oh how I miss Wisconsin.

Talk about great summers. You should go spend one in wisconsin. Life is perfect there. All you do is wakeboard, ski, fish, canoe, kayak, and bike. Then at night we go and build a camp fire by the lake, listen to the loons and look at the stars, which are not drowned out by the lights because Tomahawk only has 3,000 peeps, and drink great beer.

I got two finals tomorrow and one on Friday. Then I'm officially done with another semester. I've been thinking less and less about Ph.D. stuff. I sense that I'm gettin' real burned out on school. That and I'm not real sure how invested I want to end up in theology seeing how much most people really care. And by care I don't mean care as in oh I think this is cool, so I'll construct a system that I like, when in reality I'll just defend what I've been taught my whole life. No i'm talking about peeps doing theology because they are generally interested in learning about who God is regardless of what their preconceived notions might be, even their western white ones.

a little somber

I’m pretty busy this week, but this is worth taking the time to write.

Today was hard. I watched Oprah because I heard invisible children were going to be highlighted, which they were. Most of the hour was about different atrocities in Africa. These things are difficult to watch, but it is good that they are publicized.

Then when Lindsay came home in tears. One of her male students from last year has a lemon-sized tumor on his brain stem that is inoperable. They say Christopher, has six months to a year. They are going to begin chemo. and radiation to try and extend his life. I was talking to my friend Robert about it and he simply commented, “I don’t understand.” That summarizes how I feel. I will spend as long as I know Christopher praying for him; specifically that he will be healed.

There is of course, the possibility that he won’t be healed, and I again will have to ponder the excruciating question of theodicy in a personal way anew.

I’ve never understood how someone could take comfort in the comment that "there is comfort in knowing that God is in control.” I find no comfort in that statement whatsoever and I suppose if it is true, then it is also true that God predestined me to not have any comfort in that statement.

I think the most powerful statement about theodicy comes from John 11:35. “Jesus wept.” I was thinking about this last night before I got the news. What’s puzzling is that Jesus says in verse 23 that “your brother will rise again.” I can only assume that Jesus had planned as far back as that moment to raise Lazarus. Yet with this knowledge and in his humanity Jesus weeps with those around Him.

Jesus Christ weeps with us and for us. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

Earth Day

Earth day was this last Saturday and I enjoyed it immensely. I started out by meeting 8 of my fav. UBC folks over at Cameron Park to do some planting at Miss Nellys. That went well. Afterwards a couple of us went to Rudy's for some BBQ and then to Harris's to swim.

Harris and I rode our bikes to church and committed to personally not driving our cars all day. It worked. And because of it I got to enjoy a 10-mile bike ride to my friends, the Dugan's house. I decided that I don't need my car as much as I thought and that is probably good considering gas prices as of late. I'm excited about our new houses location for the same reason. I will be able to bike to Truett and UBC, which are 2 of the 3 places I go. I suppose I could bike to Dugans all the time as well, but that might be a bit more daunting.

I think if I ever do any kind of worthwhile scholarship, it might be in the area of ecology. I think it is an under sung tune especially in Evangelical circles.

There are many problems that we face as consumers, but I want to comment on a few.

Use a filter and a nalgine. Nalgine bottles are culturally cool and you can save money. Plastic is horrible. It takes a billion years for it to biodegrade. You'll seem more rugged ass if you have a nalgine.

Ride your bike. It's good for your health and it will save you money. Again more rugged ass.

Use an IKEA bag when you shop. Lindsay and I use them when we go grocery shopping. They’re cheap to buy, durable and they hold a lot. Great if you are walking from N.V. parking garage to your apartment.

Read a Wendell Berry book. He writes in the form of narrative and yet he gets you to root for the land by the end of the book.

On the larger scale, I guess the problem that concerns me is global warming. Lindsay reported that on NPR today they were talking about building a 200-mile mirror to reflect the suns rays and reduce the effects of global warming. This seems like an elaborate scheme that will cost us a ton of money, when collectively there are some practical steps to be taken before hand.

I also hate seeing any kind of body of water polluted. This is probably because both Lindsay and I grew up on beautiful lakes. Drivin' by Baylor’s little river deal makes me cringe. (Decided to edit the ending, before some smart-ass who thinks they are ordained by God starts lecturing me).

Well that is enough for now

a confession

I’ve been meaning to write something about the crucifixion since last Friday. Sometimes I’m just not sure how to think about the crucifixion. I’m thankful for it, but I also hate it.

I often wonder if I’ve got what it takes to follow Christ. Not like I do in Western America, but if I got what it takes to have followed Christ in early Christianity, especially before Constantine changed the church state relationship. I think one of the most intense early Christian documents is the “the martyrdom of Perpetua.” Not only does she die for Christ, but she does while her father is begging her not to leave behind her new born son because of the possibility of his starvation.

I was recently watching the Gospel of Judas on National Geo. About an hour into the show, astute theologian Elaine Pagels narrates the story of Glendina. During the 177 massacre she was said to have been tortured all day long, never renouncing her faith in Christ. The show depicted a gruesome scene. One of the diabolic devices the Romans used was an iron chair, which was heated by coals that burned underneath. Two guards pulled her arms apart with ropes while a third guard backed her into the chair with a broom looking device to ensure that the maximum amount of skin would be in contact with the chair.

Irenaeus made the point that it was crucial that the followers of Jesus knew what the gospel really was and what specifically they were dying for. Hence the exclusivity of the texts that finally made it into the cannon.

I wonder how I would respond?

Unofficially our new home!!!

This is the home that Lindsay and I put under contract. If you want the details, then call me. But wait till after 9 and probably after tonight cause we are going to see "hoodwinked" at the dollar theatre.

cheers,
Carney

an apology and misc.

Sorry I haven't wrote much lately, but as we approach finals that should came as not surprise.

Anyhow, couple of interesting things in my life.

Today we went with the Sheltons to both the World Hunger Farm and Homestead Heritage place. the farm was interesting. I think it might go well with the ethos or genre i'm trying to create for myself. Kind of an earthy environmental thing. I wanted to buy one of thier bags, but they were $12 and to tell you the truth I have no idea what I would use it for. I thought it would be great if they gave me a job being the bike fixer uper guy. I guess they take bike donations and fix them up for missionaries.

Anyhow, while we were there I started chit-chatting with the lady behind the counter in the little culture store. We were chatting for a bit when I asked her what the most annoying thing about Americans was. (She's from Papa New guinea). She replied that it was when they asked her too many questions. I don't know if that was directed at me or not, but I felt like a tool. I think she picked up on it though, because she said it was still o.k. if I asked her questions three different times.

Then we headed to the Heritage place. I had a brisket sandwich for lunch and linds had some...well I'm not sure. Anyhow eventually we made our way over to blacksmith guy. He was incredible. I was thinking as I was watching..."this is great I will write about some metaphor about God putting me on the anvil and how this was made poignant watching it first hand." But i'm not going to. Just imagine that I did.

Well I've been writing a paper on Psalm 8 this week. It's about 20 pages so far, hence I haven't written much lately on my blog. Anyhow I originally picked it because I thought I could make the latter verses all ecological in flavor. It turns out I can only do that if I don't care to be faithful to the text. I think I might throw the ecology stuff in the application for today section.

Our house search continues. We got a pretty good prospect, but I'm going to keep quite about it because every time I get excited it turns sour. I'll give you one hint though. It's fairly close to UBC, so that is exciting.

tomorrow marks the biggest day of the Christian year. the resurrection. This is what everything hangs around. I remember talking with my buddy Fillingham last year. He commented that if he most of the New Testament miracles weren't true he be o.k. as long as the resurrection was. I concur, though I believe they all are.

well that's all for today.

till butter flies,
Carney

Resurrection

As it turns out Ryan “dream weaver” Weaver is back from a brief blogging death. As it turns out young Ryan’s prospects (Post-Post Foundationalism magazine & The Dublin Pub Lounger’s Frisbee team) both fell through.

CD: Weaver tell us a bit about your decision to try your hand in the blogging world.

DW: Well, for some time now Xanga and I have had a bad relationship. Some things were done in management that I really disapproved of, but then Blogspot Steinbrener called me up and like the rest of the blogging big leagues I’m for sale for the right price.

CD: Speaking of your transition into blogspot world, tell us about some of the new features that make your return “worth it” so to speak.

DW: I’ve been talking with Paola Poetic Pixy Dust lately, and she just can’t stop talking about all the great features of the blogspot.com, but most of all I just wanted to belong to the same community of blogging greats such as Harris ‘Princeton’ Bechtol, Matt ‘can I get a burger’ yes I’m Single-town, and of course always one more post than you modern ‘Carn-dog’.

CD: DW, what possessed you to pass up at least a three year contract with the Pub Loungers?

DW: Well, that was an enticing offer, but truth be told I wanted them to work the ‘unlimited amount of Guiness’ clause into my contract and they just wouldn’t. So I just said eff it”

CD: DW, this is a kids magazine.

DW: Sorry

CD: Does God know the future?

DW: the future doesn’t exist.

CD: will Jon Whitaker ever be friends with Carn-dawg again?

DW: no one knows including God…But it is probably likely that when dia delosa rolls around again next year they will start talking about things other than corporate election.

CD: If a guy were interested in starting a church, how could he make it post-emergent.

DW: well the obvious place to begin is to order 3,000 candles. Then you need to purchase some furniture and cover it with discounted material from the thrift seller. Make sure the community groups swear every once in a while and you are on your way.

Judas

Currently,

I'm sitting on my comfy couch Tivo-ing National Geo's "The Gospel of Judas." I don't know much about it yet, but a blip I heard on NPR identified it as a Gnostic gospel.

Anyhow this got me thinking, in part because of a discussion we had in our Mark Sunday school group this morning.

How do you deal with Judas' betrayal?

I guess I'm not really looking for an answer from a Calvinist...I think I got a good idea of how you might respond. But to my Arminian, Molonist, Open Theist, or mystery card friends, how do you deal with Judas betrayal of Jesus.

The Open Theist answers that God only predicted that someone would betray Jesus and based on human predictability knew that someone would fulfill the act, but not necessarily Judas. I'm not real sure how that one gets worked...maybe at the point of prophecy the finite number of might counterfactuals all included the story line of disciple betrays Jesus or something.

Even so, even open theisms ambiguous prophecy renders a future human free choice certain. Is this problematic? Could Judas be forgiven and with God in paradise?

love to hear some feedback.

Carney

A Bloggin Nightmare

I regret to inform ya'll of two losses in the bloggin world.

If you've haven't already noticed two my links have been removed.

Shea 'livin' the dream' Butter

&

Ryan 'Dream Weaver' Weaver have both called it bloggin quits.

Ryan officially deleted his xanga site and Shea was overheard commenting "Well, I may not delete mine, but I'm not going to write anymore."

When asked what the future may hold Weaver commented,
"We'll see. I've got some interests in doing some beat poetry stuff for the emo magazine 'Post-Post foundationalism'. I'm also talking with a scout from Dublin Pub Loungers." For you American folk the Dublin Pub loungers are the N.L. frisbee team that proudly boasts a 2005 regular season N.L. pennant title.

When Butter was asked the same question

he responded, "my girlfriend and I are talking with some local Egyptians about doing a restaurant in Cairo. I've also inquired with the good Methodist school, Duke, about possibly doing Ph.D. work on "livin the dream in a post-religious, social, feminist society."

Both Butter and Weaver were bloggers for less than a year.

P.S. notice my crafty tie between the title which contains the word 'nightmare' and the word 'dream' that is affiliated with both bloggers.

I haven't posted in a bit, and for some reason I feel like I've run out of things to talk about. Every since spring break, every mental task has seemed monumental. I haven't posted because I haven't really wanted to, and if you don't want to do something you shouldn't. Right? But then I'm scared going to lose my faithful readers, so this is the crap you get:).

I've been thinking about the environment lately. Ever since that special ran on sixty minutes I've been alarmed. For those of you who I haven't talked to about it, here is the summary. If the governments of the world don't do something drastic, NOW, in ten years the earth will begin to warm up 1 degree Celsius every year. That isn't Fahrenheit. That's Celsius meaning about 3 degrees Fahrenheit. Someone asked me today if I really believed the global warming story. I do, but admit that I'm no environmental scientist. However, a couple of conversations I've had recently all point to something being different. To begin with we had a 20 some day drought in Wisconsin and much of the rest of the Midwest this last summer. Texas had fire problems this last winter because of 8 months without rainfall. In a conversation with a seminary professor who owns a cabin in CO., he reported that the snow caps which usually survive all summer are now gone by mid July. And just last evening my mom reported a record early ice melting for our lake.

I try to be as balanced as I can in my politics. That's in part because I can't afford to make rhetorical comments because I don't have the knowledge to back them up. I quickly become exposed when I try. I'm not saying go all bicycle, though that would be cool, but I do think we need to take some steps towards taking better care of the earth. I joke in my upsilon bet chi meetings that I'm going to start a campaign called two which hands out green and blue rubber band bracelets to raise awareness about the environment.

On a different note, Lindsay and I are thinking about leaving the campus chaplain thing. We've been told that our move is definite, and so we've given serious thought about doing something else. All in good time though. The job has been a blessing and because of it I will not have to take out loans for the remainder of seminary.

That's about all I got maybe you'll get something better tomorrow.

Learning to live and live well

When I was young I remember someone telling me that the reason I never put on my seatbelt was because I was young and when you are young you think you are in invincible...never to die. "Of course I'll die someday," I thought to myself. But in retrospect I realize that I really didn't get it.

My first hard lesson came on an early Saturday morning my freshman year of college. Sleeping till 11:30ish I had ignored three morning phone calls. I got up the third time though. Somehow I knew it was someone from my family, and the third time was a good indicator that some sort of emergency had occurred..

When I finally returned my sister's call I got the crushing news that two 15-year-old friends from my youth-group had been killed in a car accident on a way to a youth-group function (much like one of Texas's disciple now from what I gather). Andy and Cody were so young. It was both unbelievable and unbearable. How could they have died? That was impossible I told myself.

The second major life lesson came this last fall. Out of all the serenities of Kyle's death the strangest to me was that Kyle, someone who displayed more life than most people I know, was now dead. There aren't answers only astonishment and sadness.

These two events have been instrumental in moving me from this attitude of invincibility to putting me very much in touch with the fact that someday I will in fact die. It hits me every once in a while. I'll be lying there in bed. It's almost comical that I really get it every now and then, almost forgetting the rest of the time. My heart speeds up a bit and slipping off into slumber land is pushed off for another ten minutes. Josh Carney will die someday. That is bizarre to me.

It is in light of this impending reality that I hear Kyle's voice. “Live and live well.” Live well because you won't live forever. This is one of those powerful statements that really can't be unpacked until you have some life experience with the term and some time to process the term. I remember reading a post Craig wrote some time ago in response to the pagans who took the liberty of explaining the theological reasons for Kyle's death. He said something to the effect of "I was going to write a response, exegeting each verse to point out how they had used each verse wrong, but then realized that, that would not be living and living well."

It hit me. Living and living well can have as much to do with the every day small decisions as it can with major life choices. Maybe even more. One thing I've come to realize in seminary is that there will never be this point in my life where I can start living this ideal life because I have now gotten all the pre-requisites done. After PhD (if PhD) it will be something new. No, if I'm going to live and live well, I have to start doing it now.

This is why I don't mind spending an hour and a half sitting around the lunch table on Mondays eating with friends when I should be doing homework. This is why I try to drive down to Georgetown at least once a month to see my brother's family even though I hate paying for gas. This is why I go to two community groups and lead Sunday school. This is why I play frisbee when I have work to do. This is why I put my arm around my wife when I sleep even though I get really hot in the process. These are moments that are worth living and living well...and I try doing so because life is most certainly a gift.

A Closing thought for this fine Friday evening

I've been reading Kafka with my leisure time lately. He's got me thinking about secular existentialism and its relationship to what we have come to tag postmodernism. I've read somewhere (can't remember) that some have picked the holocaust as the defining moment marking the beginning of postmodernism because it characterized the ultimate act of humanity's crime against itself.

This is the dark side of this concept that never shows up in books like McLaren's.

I've got an analogy. In Walk the Line, there is a seen when Cash walks into the woods and passes out. It's the part where the movie plays the Waylon Jennings song. From what I gather, the movie is trying to synthesize and opitomize Cash's current condition. Passed out in the middle of no where. That is kind of where modernism's overly optimistic hope in self got us. To this place where, with all our jazz, we were passed out in the middle of no where.

Maybe there will be a nice house to buy just over the hill where we can recover from this disease.

My Top 10

10. I probably like it mostly because i think I'm very Irish. It's a bit over priced, but good occasionally. I really like the black and tan at Crickets when they mix it with Bass.



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Then open, grab it by the neck, and rock it back to savour refreshment.



9. The best stout beer Oregon has to offer. Deschutes Obsidian Stout.

Obsidian Stout gets is inspiration from one of the world's largest obsidian flows at Newberry Volcano--just a few miles south of the brewery. "The Big Obsidian Flow," as they call it, covers more than 700 acres with shiny black obsidian.



8. The New Belgium has to offer. I can't drink more than two a day though, very filling.

1554
Phil Benstein, our resident rumpled professor, stumbled onto Zwartbier in an 1888 tome creatively named “Popular Beverages of Various Countries.” He had trouble convincing brewmaster Peter Bouckaert that such a beer existed back in 16th - century Belgium, so the pair made two trips to Belgium to research this obscure style in the archives of Belgium’s specialty brewers. The oldest reference to these black beers that our dynamic duo uncovered was in the year 1554.

Other than being dark in color, 1554 has little in common with Porters or Stouts. The beer is fermented at relatively high temperatures using a European lager yeast that imparts a refreshing, zesty acidity. Chocolate and coffee tones in the nose give way to a surprisingly clean finish. With 1554 our staff hoped to create a beer similar to what folks enjoyed nearly five-hundred years ago without ignoring five-hundred years of technological innovation.We hope you’ll agree that 1554 is the delicious result of a lot of well-spent library time.



7. Great bear to drink around a camp fire. Probably some bias bein' from Wiscow.

Spotted Cow

Cask conditioned ale has been the popular choice among brews since long before prohibition. We continue this pioneer spirit with our Wisconsin farmhouse ale. Brewed with flaked barley and the finest Wisconsin malts. We even give a nod to our farmers with a little hint of corn.

Naturally cloudy we allow the yeast to remain in the bottle to enhance fullness of flavors, which can not be duplicated otherwise.

Expect this Ale to be fun, fruity and satisfying. You know you’re in Wisconsin when you see the Spotted Cow.




6. I remeber the first time I had this. It was the Sunday after spring break last year and Valerie, Singletown, Silly-O and I went to Crickets. Steves-easy gave us some complimentary chips and salsa. It was the first time I met Paul, yet I took his recomendation. Granted it was my third beer of the evening I remember commenting that it I tasted a hint of butter. It has become my nightcap beer.


Spaten Oktoberfest Beer
Our Oktoberfest Beer, created in 1872, is the world's first Oktoberfest beer, brewed for the greatest folk festival in the world. Every year, over and over again, countless Oktoberfest visitors share their enthusiasm about this beer.
Flavor profile: Amber in color. This medium bodied beer has achieved its impeccable taste by balancing the roasted malt flavor with the perfect amount of hops. Having a rich textured palate with an underlying sweetness true to tradition.




5. I was wary of adding vanilla to any beer, but this is a great porter. Again, probably something you can only drink 1 or a 2 a day.

Breckenridge Brewery’s Vanilla Porter
Who would have thought deep in the jungles of Papua New Guinea and Madagascar grew the perfect ingredient to build an extraordinary Porter in Colorado? An ale that has all the chocolate and roasted nut flavor of a classic Porter, with an enigmatic surprise thrown in for good measure, real vanilla bean. Breckenridge Brewery’s Vanilla Porter. A vanilla kiss in a rich, dark sea.



4. some of you may be surprised to see shiner so high, but I think it is a great beer and my choice for a long day of beer driking. Great taste!

Shiner Bock is a distinctive, rich, full-flavored, deep amber-colored beer. Its handcrafted brewing process creates an inviting smooth taste without the excessive bitterness that characterizes many micro, specialty and imported beers.



3. Leinenkugel's Oktoberfest. From America's best beer microbrewery, this is far and away my favorite Oktoberfest beer.

Leinenkugel's® Oktoberfest
We brewed our first Oktoberfest in 2001 to celebrate the fall season in true German fashion. Available in September and October of each year, our traditional Märzen-style bier is brewed with two-row Pale and Caramel and Munich malts. Tettnang and Perle hops provide the aroma for this well-balanced, smooth, festive lager.



2. this wold probably be number 1 if the chocolate flavor didn't make so sweet. This is a fantastic dark beer. I owe Adam Horton a hat tip for the discovery of this one.

Warsteiner Dunkel
Style: Dunkel
Origin: Germany

This is a lighter style of German dunkel. It is very lager like in body and bitterness; the darker malt flavors really come though once it warms up. You should really let it heat up to about 55 degrees to fully appreciate what this beer has to offer.

Drum roll...



1. Leinenkugel's Creamy Dark. the best kind of beer from the best beer company. If I was authoring "Revelation" today and looking for a striking metaphor, it wouldn't be streets of gold, it would be rivers of Creamy Dark.

Leinenkugel's® Creamy Dark
Available year-round and aged slowly, our winner of 6 awards in American Dark Lagers (Bronze 2004, Gold 2002, Silver 2000 World Beer Cup®; Silver 2002, Bronze 2004, Gold 2005 Great American Beer Festival®) has the full, deep blackish-brown color of a stout, without its bitterness. Don't let the color fool you. This is a tasty, smooth brew with a nutty, crisp finish, handcrafted since 2000 from a rich blend of six malts and Cascade, Cluster and Mt. Hood hops

A Hybrid

Now that I've written this I'll offer a bit of a disclaimer. This post is mostly about my parents and I so if you think you'll be bored, then you're probably right. But I bet my family will like it:).

It's funny how we are different people in different settings. Recently I've come to terms with how I am in the home setting.

Undoubtedly, I look like my dad. Like my grandma and my dad, much to my wife's dismay, I will end up with the Carney jowls (don't worry dad, Lindsay thinks your a good looking guy). I share most if not all his mannerisms and my vocational interests have thus far led me to a similar place. So I must be him...Right? Not according the last two days of self discovery.

It turns out that in our home, I'm much more like my mom. Two days ago our chaplain meeting was with Baylor's Jim Marsh (most of UBCers may remember him coming to the hub to speak to us about dealing with grief). Anyhow, in our meeting he talked about panic attacks and its close cousin Severe Anxiety Disorder. I first became alarmed when he mentioned the type of things these people worried about, but when he described the symptoms and the process of the disease, I knew. My intuition was confirmed by his response to my question which as it turns you only know to ask if you've had some experience with this problem. It's not all bad though. I'm a better money manager and student because of it.

Today I discovered the positive side of my mothers genetic inheritance. Saturday I worked at UBC cutting trees and brush to help prepare for the new parking lot. As it turns out my two day dormant poison ivy showed up on Tuesday morning which warranted a trip to the doctors office. Disclaimer if you hate conceit, this is where I brag about myself. Well it turns out our scale is about 10 lbs. heavy. Not only that, my blood pressure is 117/73 and my heart rate is 48 beats a minute. Thanks mom.

The role Lindsay has to play at the house is probably close to my dad's. She is the level headed, easy going, voice of reason that often comments, "don't worry there is nothing you can do about it anyhow." She is the type of person that has the uncanny ability to fall asleep in two minutes cause she usually doesn't have a care in the world that would otherwise keep her up. I don't know if it goes with the personality, but like my dad, her love language is physical touch. That one is really tough for me. Cuddling is about as much fun as playing defense in any kind of sport...I'm just usually not interested. It's probably that I just don't have the time to cuddle, because I can't sit for more than five minutes due to my next project, be it homework, work, or the National Geographic channel..ooohhh that last one is a dad characteristic.

There is one place that I'm still exactly like my dad. Everywhere else besides my house (apartment). I like to think of myself as a bit of a ham. I try to be the center of attention and often get a little distraught if I'm not. I crack the corny jokes or are they carney jokes...see what I mean:). I seem like an extreme optimist and do a good job of mining people's personalities with a series of good questions. Thanks Dad.

I guess I am a bit of a hybrid. Maybe someday I'll post about how I'm the product of my three older siblings.

Our trip to Colorado

the river our cabin was on and the cabin itself

Linds sking (top right)

playing cards

me sking a black diamond..ooohhh

Movie Night

Linds and I working in the Kitchen

Lindsay and I in the care

Me and Chris on top of Purgatory

Prayer for my dad

My dad called me tonight to ask specifically for this prayer. His cell count has been brought down to .001 percent and is now back up to .006. Considering all he is doing remarkable. He and my mom would really, really like to go home, but they are prohibited from doing so because of a recent fever that has been lingering in his system. Obviously with such a weak immune system he cannot leave. Please pray that his fever breaks so they can go home.

Here is a picture of my dad and my foxy niece from about weak ago.

More on belonging and believing...

I wrote on this some time ago, but I think it is a theme worth revisiting. Probably because I ran across this quote by Lewis in “Miracles” p. 144: “The materials for correcting our abstract conception of God cannot be supplied by Reason: she will be the first to tell you to go and try experience—‘Oh, taste and see!’.”

I’ve never really been comfortable with the logic behind Romans Road. Not that I don’t believe people are converted on the sheer power of the gospel, but more often then not I think the step or steps towards Jesus by and large follow some experience. My friend John recently took a trip with his old youth group to Panama City, Florida with the purpose of offering rides to those too drunk to drive home and then to subsequently share the gospel with them. He shared the anecdote about a West Point cadet who proceeded in step-by-step fashion. The group picked up a Hindu student. The cadet ploped the Bible on his lap pointed to Romans 3:23 and asked, “What does that say?” The Hindu replied that it wasn’t even a proper sentence. That’s at least worth chuckling at.

I wonder what the cadet would have done if in response the Hindu would have plopped the Koran or the Upanishads on his lap. When I was in my own youth group some years ago, I remember when a domestic missionary who worked in the French Quarter of New Orleans came and spoke to us. The point of his talk was, “what if the world doesn’t privilege the Bible as an authoritative source.” I guess that seems pretty obvious to most of you, but at the time a bright light bulb was lit inside my head.

Kyle preached a sermon, actually a pair of sermons, last fall on re-evangelism. I think they were probably my favorite. The main point I took away from the sermons was that people need a sense of belonging before they can have a sense of believing. People need to experience the vibrant community God before they can commit to this Jesus character. More simply, the proof must be in the pudding.

The one thing I’m dogmatic about is Christology. I do think Jesus is the power to save and change people. But for better or worse he’s chosen to use the church. So most often, if people are going to come to Jesus, they are going to do so through the church. So as Lewis points out, reasons tells people to go taste and see. I pray that our church continues to recognize this and be a place of good experience so that those who don’t know this Christ can grow comfortable before asking, “Who is this Jesus?”

Poker Night!

My poker friends...only 6 hours till I start taking your $.

A Question for Calvinists

So I’ve often wondered this. In November 2003, I attended the annual meeting of Evangelical Theological Society to see if they would vote affirmatively to kick out both John Sanders and Clark Pinnock on charges of denying infallibility on grounds of, what those brining the charge believed was, a necessary denial of prophecy.

I happened to pop in and hear John Piper present on the theme of “joy” in the works Jonathon Edwards, which was his portion of the Jonathon Edwards forum. At one point Piper passionately remarked that Edwards was one of his two favorite theologians. The other, he exclaimed, was C.S. Lewis. I guess this didn’t really blow me out of the water at the time. I’d seen Piper quote Lewis in places and I admit that I’ve see monergistic themes or at least a Piperistic approach to theodicy in “A Grief Observed.”

Yet as time passed I became more puzzled. Lewis has some pretty radical views of hell and soteriology. Granted he throws out the caveat at the beginning of almost every work explaining that he is not a theologian, still Lewis pushes the comfortable limits for most evangelicals, if you take the time to figure out what he is really saying.

So why? I wonder is something like Boyd’s open theism, a doctrine about the nature of the future, a call for a heresy trial while Lewis’ liberal approach hell and soteriology are not. I’ve heard Piper explain the limited atonement with the efficient and sufficient argument and much of the reformed camp refer to the “precious blood of Jesus.” How can Lewis approach these themes in such a seemingly haphazard manner and still be considered one of Piper’s favorite theologians. And he’s an Arminian for that matter. Isn’t it strange that one of his two favorite thinkers is an Arminian?

Kyle's Film

Hey I don't know how to do the link thing and I'm not going to take the time to figure it out, but go to my "Harris Happens" link and click the link to Kyle's Film.

Hebrew Salvation

Sorry about the white-out today! My only guess is that I changed something and forgot to republish my blog. I’m not sure that would have created the apparent problem though. My other guess is that Patagonia was aggravated that I used some of their material without permission and thus contacted the U.S. government who then subsequently shut down my site.

I borrowed that penguin movie from the Dugan’s. It was pretty good. I also watched Elizabethtown this weekend. That was good too. Here’s one thing about my ability to review movies though. I can’t! I’m too generous. I like them all. I purchased Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions. I guess there have been a few movies that I would truly called terrible. I really didn’t care for Birth starring Nicole Kiddman. I didn’t really like History of Violence all that much. And for some reason Butterfly Effect rubbed me the wrong way. You’d think I like that one bein’ an open theist and all. I’ve heard Boyd use the Butterfly effect to argue some points in support of open theism.
Anyhow, I’ve thought of a number of things to post about the last several days, but today’s winner is the Psalmists conception of salvation. Sheol is a foggy concept at best in the Old Testament. It’s difficult to talk about the Hebrew conception of heaven and hell and the afterlife for that matter. We know that they viewed the self much more holistically than Platonists and thus the west have. The Nefesh can mean breath and quite often life. Ernest Lucas writes:

“the psychosomatic unity of the human person in Hebrew thought is evidence in the way that various parts of the human body are used to refer to aspects of the human personality. A literalistic translation of Psalm 26:2 is, ‘examine me, O Lord, and test me, judge my kidneys and my heart.’ The Good News Bible translation gives the right sense of the second line when it says, ‘judge my desires and thoughts’.”

Given this ambiguity of the afterlife and complexity of the human nature we get some interesting comments about death from the Psalmist. In elaborating on the “afterwards” of Psalm 73 and two other Psalm Lucas comments

“If these interpretations are correct, the thread that runs through all these three psalms is the psalmist’s sense that his relationship with Yahweh is so real and deep that not even death will be able to end it.”

I love this last line probably because I’m Lewisian in my soteriology. Harris pointed out to me last semester, that the only definition of eternal life comes from John and it means simply: To know God. I see something similar here. I love the idea that salvation is a journey and that it is most fundamentally about our relationship with God. This projection of salvation moves us beyond the simple “moment of salvation,” into an intense relationship with Jesus Christ. Certainly this calls for an ontological moment of being cleansed by Jesus blood, but it also pushes us into a continued friendship. You want saved from hell and thus yourself? Then get to know Him!

I suppose there is a bit of irony here too. For those of you who love Romans Road and the epistemological nature of the gospel, this understanding of salvation is draped in knowledge. It’s a different kind of knowledge though. Not just knowledge of the head, but rather knowledge with our entire being. It changes the way we understand knowing Jesus.

Patagonia

This is from Today's Patagonia Catalog:

"Your purcheases have helped fledgling organic growers support their families - and to plant more acreage without the use of harmful chemicals. Your purchases have influenced other clothing companies to use organic cotton content (often without fan-fare), and that too helps validate and encourage organic farmers who are still a vast minority in the scheme of worldwide agriculture...

Cotton may be natural, but it's one of the most toxic crops on the planet soaking up more than 10 percent of the pesticides and nearly 25 percent of the insecticides used worldwide. Some of the chemicals used were originaly formulated as nerve gases for warefare. As much as a athird of a pound of these toxins goes into producing a single pound of fiber...

We tip our hat to the following companies who now use varying amounts of organically grown cotton in their clothing: Hanna Anderson, Marks & Spencer, Mountain Equipment, Co-op, Nike, Nordstrom, Norm Thompson, Prana, Stewart+Brown and Timberland....

The worldwide demand for organically grown cotton, like that for organic food, is booming. It has tripled since we made the switch in 1996. Our own business has grown at a modest but steady rate, and we couldn't have done it without you. so thanks again. there are many ways to create change in the worlds, but voting with our dollars is one of the most effective."

save a bunch of people with a telephone!!!

http://www.one.org/blog/

we got one!!!

A Groaning Creation

People often cite Romans 8 when arguing that the whole earth groans for redemption. I sure hope this is true. All but three verses suggest that the new heaven and new earth are going to be here, on this earth. It would be one thing for God to do an extreme makeover on the earth alone, but truth be told, the whole system has got problems. An upcoming advertised program on National Geographic is all about how someday the sun will do one of those physics star blowing up deals. That means the earth will be annihilated. Something has got to change folks. I heard one theologian say that Satan is responsible for the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. Entropy. Lewis commented on it in “Miracles,” but most Christian authors that dream up utopias deal more with social behavior than they do cosmological conditions for the everlasting earth. So…as Third Eye Blind asks I similarly wonder, “How’s it gonna be?”

Well let me tell you about two places that I think give me small insights. This summer, when I had the luxury of spending my summer in one of my favorite places in the world, Tomahawk, WI, I would bike the two miles to Prairie Rapids and make my way down the river, pull out my pocket size Bible and read a Psalm or two. The background noise to my reading was the rushing sound of the river of over the rapids. You know the sound. If I had to pick something to sound like God’s voice, that would be it. As I would pray and listen I could hear God speak to me…”Be still and know that I’m God.” The river whispered.

My second example comes from this last spring break. My friends, wife, and I spent a week in Durango, CO. Our cabin was located in the mountains next to a river that flowed not more than 20 ft. from our bedroom. Amazing. On our last day there, my friend Chris and I spent some time sitting on some rocks on the river’s bank. After discussing some Bruggeman and Kafka we got the Pantheism discussion. As we gazed at the top of the mountains in front of us and listened to the river before us Chris commented that, “I know that sometimes people comment that this world is fallen, but man…there doesn’t seem much fallen about this.” I couldn’t agree more. It was gorgeous.

If these are only glimpses I can’t wait.

Going, Going, Gone

Hey all,

I'm off to CO, to ski!!!

Hear you next week.

Carney

Does God exist???

I’ve always been wary of scientific arguments for the existence of God, or any arguments for the existence of God for that matter. In fact I think they do more for those who believe than they do for those who don’t believe. Seldom do I hear a conversion story that includes a moment when someone just knew God existed because Bill Craig’s version of the cosmological argument became overwhelmingly convincing. In fact I think that the most compelling argument contains no scientific data at all, the anthropological argument. I suppose it’s more of an existential appeal and probably the reason I like it a little better. I think that makes sense though. Faith is more existential than it is scientific.

Yet, tonight as I was watching the National Geographic Channel I’m reminded of the power of the anthropic argument. On Naked Science, they are examining the possibility of finding life elsewhere in the galaxy/universe…whatever the correct technical nerd term is. One point they made, traveling at the speed of light, it would take a message from the other side of our galaxy, 100 million years to get here. Imagine that. Light travels around the world 7 times a second. At that speed it would take that long just to get across the universe. Makes even the travel speed of the Millennium Falcon seem inadequate.

Anyhow, back to the power of the anthropic argument. Caveat here, I’m not going to check these numbers, but rather guess what they are based on memory. The factual numbers almost serve as hyperbole in and among themselves. Ergo, corroborating their accuracy is not necessary. When you add together all the factors that go into creating not only a perfect planet, but also galaxy etc. to sustain life you come up with some obnoxious number like 1 x 10 to the 120 power. To put that in perspective there are 1 x 10 to the 70ish power electrons in our universe. Keep in mind how exponents work. That isn’t like double the number. Every time you move up an increment in an exponent you account for everything previously and then double it (I think)…any calc. nerds out there to verify that one? That’s freakin’ incredible.

It’s funny though. As crazy and wow-factor as that is, we are the type of beings who are conversely more puzzled by the deep wounds of death and the absurdity of things like the tsunami. I guess that goes back to the existential thing. No one really gives a rat’s ass how complex the universe is when a loved one is sick or their social structure is rattled by an external factor. Maybe that’s why God did the cross thing and not the spell it out in the clouds thing.

Update on my dad

Hey all,

I'm not sure who of you that read this, know about my dad. Anyhow he has a form of plasma cancer. this week he has been at mayo clinic in Rochester, MN. he is undergoing a procedure whereby they harvest stem cells from his body, clean them and then he undergoes intense chemo. After this they re-insert the stem cells to regrow. Pretty amazing! The harvesting process requires a daily shot in the stomach that cost $3,000. Thus the message in the following e-mail is really good news. thanks to those of you who have been praying.

just a quick note. I'm pretty busy this week...so I might not be able to post again to till friday.

Greetings! I tried six times last eve and this morning to e-mail you all,
and each time the computer would lock up or shut down. I was beginning to
get a complex. Anyway, Ter harvested 4.92 million stem cells on Monday and
7.75 million today. So step one is complete in just two days. PRAISE THE
LORD! Now we are in a holding pattern as they can only do two transplants a
day, so they have to schedule us from here on. So, praise and thank God for
the quick collection. Pray we don't have to wait too long to get started on
chemo. Pray also for my health. I'm being bugged by a really sore throat
and don't want to have to leave, but can't be around Ter once he goes
through chemo if I'm sick. Kristin came down to visit today and brought her
usual bubbly joy in the door with her. Thank God for her husband who kept
the five little ones and allowed her to come. We do appreciate each and
every prayer. Will keep you posted. Bless the Lord who forgives all our
sins and heals all our diseases!
Expecting a miracle, Karen

Crash the National Dance

This has nothing to do with the quality of the films, but can I tell you I absolutely love the fact that the Academy selected Crash over Brokeback Mountain. Here’s why. Last year was the first time I watched the critic’s choice awards. I was really annoyed because Sideways kept winning. As far as I could tell, all this did was corroborate my theory that people on the inside, try to pick the most esoteric unpopular films so that they can seem high society. At the shows conclusion they selected their choice for the year’s best film, and they were sure to throw out this caveat, “and what we’ve chosen so has the academy for the last five years.” Well guess what? The academy choose Million Dollar Baby, suckers. So this year, the critics let their true colors shine through with this caveat before their announcement, “and the film we’ve chosen, the academy has chosen the last five out of six years.” Suckers got wrong again. I hope they do the same thing again next year and bolster the appearance of “wanna be.” I have no idea why I care so much about this type of thing or why I get so much satisfaction out of it, but I do.



On a different note, God continues to poor out His pre-exilic Divadic/Zionistic type of blessings on me. As it turns out Grande communications has added the National Geographic Channel to its line up. First, Tivo makes regular T.V. viewing available in surround sound, now this. I wonder what I have done to bring this kind of blessing upon my life. It must be all the time and money I give to the poor. It’s sweet to be chosen by Him. I might have watch out though. The ark of the covenant, a seemingly good thing, killed a guy who was trying to keep it from falling. In the same spirit, this blessing of the National Geographic Channel could end up cursing my G.P.A.




I really liked Gideon’s message of the full expression of God’s love this morning. I think it is one of the most under preached themes, which desperately needs to be heard today. Specifically I love how he compared the miracle working wondrous part of Jesus three-year ministry with His full expression of His love through the cross. He gave the contemporary example of caring for the paraplegic. I that thought was a good one. When so much of love is expressed as this enamoring, easy, effortless journey, we would do well to see movies like Nick Spark’s the Notebook. Sticking by the side of one who is now gone, retelling a story a hundred times for three minutes of occasional parachoresis. This is also why I like the endings of movies the Shall We Dance. After several months of working with the sexy Jennifer Lopez, Richard Gere makes this incredible choice to remain committed to his wife, Susan Sarandon. There is an expression of the fullness of love. Yes when everything else in our self screams no. Yes for the sake of the other.

My Tolkien Friends

My good friend, Singleton, recently said that (paraphrase), “every theologian needs to read more literature.” I guess I kinda got to agree. If I think about it, my theological conclusions (which I hang on to loosely) are informed by literature as much as they are by historical/systematic theology and philosophy. In fact two guys that impact how I think about things more than most are J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis.

One thing the gigantic story, LOTR, has helped me understand is how to deal with all the different phases of my life. One of the things I love about the story is how there are so many characters and so many plots that run alongside one another, yet all belong to the same story. So as I am forced to move from one phase of my life to the next, I say good bye to parts of my life. Yet I know that all the characters in my life belong to the same great story and participate in who I am becoming.

I always thought the best way to pay all these people a compliment, would be to write my own gigantic narrative and let the significant people be the voices and personalities of my characters. As I meet people and develop relationships, I always think about how they would inform the story.

There was the youth-group phase, and then the high-school phase, then the college phase, and now the seminary phase/UBC phase. Some day I’ll put this all together and the characters will all participate in the story I compose.

funny

my new thing is clikcing on the "next blog" link. I found this.
for more great theology and laughs visit
http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/churchsigns.php

A title that tells you nothing about the following post...

Some have commented that the most absurd thing about monergism and/or Calvinism is that God would predestine something like the Holocaust. I disagree. They seem to offer a pretty straightforward answer to that one. Something along the lines about needing to display all His attributes including wrath for all eternity, or maybe that in a beautiful picture depicting nature there are still ugly shades of brown or I’ve even heard that a surgeon needs to cut people in order to cure them. Take your pick they’ve got a five minute solution for that one. I think the most absurd thing God has done if it true is to first, predestine that He would reveal Calvinism as reality and secondly, predestine Arminians or Open Theist for that matter. Think about it. If Calvinism is true for some reason God has predestined me to write this on my blog right now, with the assumption that I’m doing it with my own will. Why would He be doing this? And why would He have just predestined me to ask that and why….and you get the picture. It is just absurd. If it is true He should have just kept it a secret. At least than experience would match reality. There would be some sort of existential fit to my experience.

I understand Paul Helm when he says that I choose according to my greatest desire, but come on, who really thinks that there is no possible way they could be doing other than what they are right this instant. Every decision I face is a decision precisely because I can choose to do other than what I actually do end up doing.

O.K. enough about libertarian freedom though.

On a different note. Let me tell you about how much I like UBC. People we spend the most time with Dugans(UBC). One of the biggest highlights of my week, ANKC(UBC). My favorite lunch days, Monday and Friday because I eat with Shea, Poala, John and sometimes Alberto (UBC). I see more friend on Sunday morning than I do on Saturday night. Why? (UBC) Most of my internet time and thus a good majority of my day…blogs and discussion boards both pertaining to (UBC). I also have made this observation. My church is the only place I can wear my beer shirt. Seminary wouldn’t do anything about it because they can’t, but people would be offended. And I’m prohibited from wearing it on Baylor’s campus as an employee. UBC is the one place I can be fully me. I can use my kind of humor, be honest about what I like to drink, swear occasionally, and have conversations that do more for my faith than my masters degree does.

Now for my disclaimer. If you happen to a Calvinist and stumble upon this post…please don’t comment unless you are from UBC. Even if your thinking to yourself, “yeah, but I have something to say that will totally prove him wrong,” or “yeah, but you didn’t say that correctly, actually…” that’s nice, but post on your own blog and put a link to mine so people can see what your responding to. It’s not that I don’t respect you or think I don’t have anything learn from you…it’s just that I lived with Jonathan Edwards my junior year and John Piper my senior year so I know enough to know your comment won’t blow me out of the water. And if you’re still really pissed, just remember, according to you, I wrote exactly what I was going to write from before the foundations of the earth. Maybe this is your chance to refrain. Maybe God’s predestined this moment to develop some patience in you.

My second disclaimer. I realize at this point I might be sounding a bit elitist with the whole UBC thing. Well pray for me then damn it! And quit judging me, Mr. Plank in your own eye.