Learning to live and live well

When I was young I remember someone telling me that the reason I never put on my seatbelt was because I was young and when you are young you think you are in invincible...never to die. "Of course I'll die someday," I thought to myself. But in retrospect I realize that I really didn't get it.

My first hard lesson came on an early Saturday morning my freshman year of college. Sleeping till 11:30ish I had ignored three morning phone calls. I got up the third time though. Somehow I knew it was someone from my family, and the third time was a good indicator that some sort of emergency had occurred..

When I finally returned my sister's call I got the crushing news that two 15-year-old friends from my youth-group had been killed in a car accident on a way to a youth-group function (much like one of Texas's disciple now from what I gather). Andy and Cody were so young. It was both unbelievable and unbearable. How could they have died? That was impossible I told myself.

The second major life lesson came this last fall. Out of all the serenities of Kyle's death the strangest to me was that Kyle, someone who displayed more life than most people I know, was now dead. There aren't answers only astonishment and sadness.

These two events have been instrumental in moving me from this attitude of invincibility to putting me very much in touch with the fact that someday I will in fact die. It hits me every once in a while. I'll be lying there in bed. It's almost comical that I really get it every now and then, almost forgetting the rest of the time. My heart speeds up a bit and slipping off into slumber land is pushed off for another ten minutes. Josh Carney will die someday. That is bizarre to me.

It is in light of this impending reality that I hear Kyle's voice. “Live and live well.” Live well because you won't live forever. This is one of those powerful statements that really can't be unpacked until you have some life experience with the term and some time to process the term. I remember reading a post Craig wrote some time ago in response to the pagans who took the liberty of explaining the theological reasons for Kyle's death. He said something to the effect of "I was going to write a response, exegeting each verse to point out how they had used each verse wrong, but then realized that, that would not be living and living well."

It hit me. Living and living well can have as much to do with the every day small decisions as it can with major life choices. Maybe even more. One thing I've come to realize in seminary is that there will never be this point in my life where I can start living this ideal life because I have now gotten all the pre-requisites done. After PhD (if PhD) it will be something new. No, if I'm going to live and live well, I have to start doing it now.

This is why I don't mind spending an hour and a half sitting around the lunch table on Mondays eating with friends when I should be doing homework. This is why I try to drive down to Georgetown at least once a month to see my brother's family even though I hate paying for gas. This is why I go to two community groups and lead Sunday school. This is why I play frisbee when I have work to do. This is why I put my arm around my wife when I sleep even though I get really hot in the process. These are moments that are worth living and living well...and I try doing so because life is most certainly a gift.