I’m pretty busy this week, but this is worth taking the time to write.
Today was hard. I watched Oprah because I heard invisible children were going to be highlighted, which they were. Most of the hour was about different atrocities in Africa. These things are difficult to watch, but it is good that they are publicized.
Then when Lindsay came home in tears. One of her male students from last year has a lemon-sized tumor on his brain stem that is inoperable. They say Christopher, has six months to a year. They are going to begin chemo. and radiation to try and extend his life. I was talking to my friend Robert about it and he simply commented, “I don’t understand.” That summarizes how I feel. I will spend as long as I know Christopher praying for him; specifically that he will be healed.
There is of course, the possibility that he won’t be healed, and I again will have to ponder the excruciating question of theodicy in a personal way anew.
I’ve never understood how someone could take comfort in the comment that "there is comfort in knowing that God is in control.” I find no comfort in that statement whatsoever and I suppose if it is true, then it is also true that God predestined me to not have any comfort in that statement.
I think the most powerful statement about theodicy comes from John 11:35. “Jesus wept.” I was thinking about this last night before I got the news. What’s puzzling is that Jesus says in verse 23 that “your brother will rise again.” I can only assume that Jesus had planned as far back as that moment to raise Lazarus. Yet with this knowledge and in his humanity Jesus weeps with those around Him.
Jesus Christ weeps with us and for us. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Monday, April 24, 2006
Earth Day
Earth day was this last Saturday and I enjoyed it immensely. I started out by meeting 8 of my fav. UBC folks over at Cameron Park to do some planting at Miss Nellys. That went well. Afterwards a couple of us went to Rudy's for some BBQ and then to Harris's to swim.
Harris and I rode our bikes to church and committed to personally not driving our cars all day. It worked. And because of it I got to enjoy a 10-mile bike ride to my friends, the Dugan's house. I decided that I don't need my car as much as I thought and that is probably good considering gas prices as of late. I'm excited about our new houses location for the same reason. I will be able to bike to Truett and UBC, which are 2 of the 3 places I go. I suppose I could bike to Dugans all the time as well, but that might be a bit more daunting.
I think if I ever do any kind of worthwhile scholarship, it might be in the area of ecology. I think it is an under sung tune especially in Evangelical circles.
There are many problems that we face as consumers, but I want to comment on a few.
Use a filter and a nalgine. Nalgine bottles are culturally cool and you can save money. Plastic is horrible. It takes a billion years for it to biodegrade. You'll seem more rugged ass if you have a nalgine.
Ride your bike. It's good for your health and it will save you money. Again more rugged ass.
Use an IKEA bag when you shop. Lindsay and I use them when we go grocery shopping. They’re cheap to buy, durable and they hold a lot. Great if you are walking from N.V. parking garage to your apartment.
Read a Wendell Berry book. He writes in the form of narrative and yet he gets you to root for the land by the end of the book.
On the larger scale, I guess the problem that concerns me is global warming. Lindsay reported that on NPR today they were talking about building a 200-mile mirror to reflect the suns rays and reduce the effects of global warming. This seems like an elaborate scheme that will cost us a ton of money, when collectively there are some practical steps to be taken before hand.
I also hate seeing any kind of body of water polluted. This is probably because both Lindsay and I grew up on beautiful lakes. Drivin' by Baylor’s little river deal makes me cringe. (Decided to edit the ending, before some smart-ass who thinks they are ordained by God starts lecturing me).
Well that is enough for now
Harris and I rode our bikes to church and committed to personally not driving our cars all day. It worked. And because of it I got to enjoy a 10-mile bike ride to my friends, the Dugan's house. I decided that I don't need my car as much as I thought and that is probably good considering gas prices as of late. I'm excited about our new houses location for the same reason. I will be able to bike to Truett and UBC, which are 2 of the 3 places I go. I suppose I could bike to Dugans all the time as well, but that might be a bit more daunting.
I think if I ever do any kind of worthwhile scholarship, it might be in the area of ecology. I think it is an under sung tune especially in Evangelical circles.
There are many problems that we face as consumers, but I want to comment on a few.
Use a filter and a nalgine. Nalgine bottles are culturally cool and you can save money. Plastic is horrible. It takes a billion years for it to biodegrade. You'll seem more rugged ass if you have a nalgine.
Ride your bike. It's good for your health and it will save you money. Again more rugged ass.
Use an IKEA bag when you shop. Lindsay and I use them when we go grocery shopping. They’re cheap to buy, durable and they hold a lot. Great if you are walking from N.V. parking garage to your apartment.
Read a Wendell Berry book. He writes in the form of narrative and yet he gets you to root for the land by the end of the book.
On the larger scale, I guess the problem that concerns me is global warming. Lindsay reported that on NPR today they were talking about building a 200-mile mirror to reflect the suns rays and reduce the effects of global warming. This seems like an elaborate scheme that will cost us a ton of money, when collectively there are some practical steps to be taken before hand.
I also hate seeing any kind of body of water polluted. This is probably because both Lindsay and I grew up on beautiful lakes. Drivin' by Baylor’s little river deal makes me cringe. (Decided to edit the ending, before some smart-ass who thinks they are ordained by God starts lecturing me).
Well that is enough for now
Friday, April 21, 2006
a confession
I’ve been meaning to write something about the crucifixion since last Friday. Sometimes I’m just not sure how to think about the crucifixion. I’m thankful for it, but I also hate it.
I often wonder if I’ve got what it takes to follow Christ. Not like I do in Western America, but if I got what it takes to have followed Christ in early Christianity, especially before Constantine changed the church state relationship. I think one of the most intense early Christian documents is the “the martyrdom of Perpetua.” Not only does she die for Christ, but she does while her father is begging her not to leave behind her new born son because of the possibility of his starvation.
I was recently watching the Gospel of Judas on National Geo. About an hour into the show, astute theologian Elaine Pagels narrates the story of Glendina. During the 177 massacre she was said to have been tortured all day long, never renouncing her faith in Christ. The show depicted a gruesome scene. One of the diabolic devices the Romans used was an iron chair, which was heated by coals that burned underneath. Two guards pulled her arms apart with ropes while a third guard backed her into the chair with a broom looking device to ensure that the maximum amount of skin would be in contact with the chair.
Irenaeus made the point that it was crucial that the followers of Jesus knew what the gospel really was and what specifically they were dying for. Hence the exclusivity of the texts that finally made it into the cannon.
I wonder how I would respond?
I often wonder if I’ve got what it takes to follow Christ. Not like I do in Western America, but if I got what it takes to have followed Christ in early Christianity, especially before Constantine changed the church state relationship. I think one of the most intense early Christian documents is the “the martyrdom of Perpetua.” Not only does she die for Christ, but she does while her father is begging her not to leave behind her new born son because of the possibility of his starvation.
I was recently watching the Gospel of Judas on National Geo. About an hour into the show, astute theologian Elaine Pagels narrates the story of Glendina. During the 177 massacre she was said to have been tortured all day long, never renouncing her faith in Christ. The show depicted a gruesome scene. One of the diabolic devices the Romans used was an iron chair, which was heated by coals that burned underneath. Two guards pulled her arms apart with ropes while a third guard backed her into the chair with a broom looking device to ensure that the maximum amount of skin would be in contact with the chair.
Irenaeus made the point that it was crucial that the followers of Jesus knew what the gospel really was and what specifically they were dying for. Hence the exclusivity of the texts that finally made it into the cannon.
I wonder how I would respond?
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Unofficially our new home!!!
This is the home that Lindsay and I put under contract. If you want the details, then call me. But wait till after 9 and probably after tonight cause we are going to see "hoodwinked" at the dollar theatre.
cheers,
Carney
Saturday, April 15, 2006
an apology and misc.
Sorry I haven't wrote much lately, but as we approach finals that should came as not surprise.
Anyhow, couple of interesting things in my life.
Today we went with the Sheltons to both the World Hunger Farm and Homestead Heritage place. the farm was interesting. I think it might go well with the ethos or genre i'm trying to create for myself. Kind of an earthy environmental thing. I wanted to buy one of thier bags, but they were $12 and to tell you the truth I have no idea what I would use it for. I thought it would be great if they gave me a job being the bike fixer uper guy. I guess they take bike donations and fix them up for missionaries.
Anyhow, while we were there I started chit-chatting with the lady behind the counter in the little culture store. We were chatting for a bit when I asked her what the most annoying thing about Americans was. (She's from Papa New guinea). She replied that it was when they asked her too many questions. I don't know if that was directed at me or not, but I felt like a tool. I think she picked up on it though, because she said it was still o.k. if I asked her questions three different times.
Then we headed to the Heritage place. I had a brisket sandwich for lunch and linds had some...well I'm not sure. Anyhow eventually we made our way over to blacksmith guy. He was incredible. I was thinking as I was watching..."this is great I will write about some metaphor about God putting me on the anvil and how this was made poignant watching it first hand." But i'm not going to. Just imagine that I did.
Well I've been writing a paper on Psalm 8 this week. It's about 20 pages so far, hence I haven't written much lately on my blog. Anyhow I originally picked it because I thought I could make the latter verses all ecological in flavor. It turns out I can only do that if I don't care to be faithful to the text. I think I might throw the ecology stuff in the application for today section.
Our house search continues. We got a pretty good prospect, but I'm going to keep quite about it because every time I get excited it turns sour. I'll give you one hint though. It's fairly close to UBC, so that is exciting.
tomorrow marks the biggest day of the Christian year. the resurrection. This is what everything hangs around. I remember talking with my buddy Fillingham last year. He commented that if he most of the New Testament miracles weren't true he be o.k. as long as the resurrection was. I concur, though I believe they all are.
well that's all for today.
till butter flies,
Carney
Anyhow, couple of interesting things in my life.
Today we went with the Sheltons to both the World Hunger Farm and Homestead Heritage place. the farm was interesting. I think it might go well with the ethos or genre i'm trying to create for myself. Kind of an earthy environmental thing. I wanted to buy one of thier bags, but they were $12 and to tell you the truth I have no idea what I would use it for. I thought it would be great if they gave me a job being the bike fixer uper guy. I guess they take bike donations and fix them up for missionaries.
Anyhow, while we were there I started chit-chatting with the lady behind the counter in the little culture store. We were chatting for a bit when I asked her what the most annoying thing about Americans was. (She's from Papa New guinea). She replied that it was when they asked her too many questions. I don't know if that was directed at me or not, but I felt like a tool. I think she picked up on it though, because she said it was still o.k. if I asked her questions three different times.
Then we headed to the Heritage place. I had a brisket sandwich for lunch and linds had some...well I'm not sure. Anyhow eventually we made our way over to blacksmith guy. He was incredible. I was thinking as I was watching..."this is great I will write about some metaphor about God putting me on the anvil and how this was made poignant watching it first hand." But i'm not going to. Just imagine that I did.
Well I've been writing a paper on Psalm 8 this week. It's about 20 pages so far, hence I haven't written much lately on my blog. Anyhow I originally picked it because I thought I could make the latter verses all ecological in flavor. It turns out I can only do that if I don't care to be faithful to the text. I think I might throw the ecology stuff in the application for today section.
Our house search continues. We got a pretty good prospect, but I'm going to keep quite about it because every time I get excited it turns sour. I'll give you one hint though. It's fairly close to UBC, so that is exciting.
tomorrow marks the biggest day of the Christian year. the resurrection. This is what everything hangs around. I remember talking with my buddy Fillingham last year. He commented that if he most of the New Testament miracles weren't true he be o.k. as long as the resurrection was. I concur, though I believe they all are.
well that's all for today.
till butter flies,
Carney
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Resurrection
As it turns out Ryan “dream weaver” Weaver is back from a brief blogging death. As it turns out young Ryan’s prospects (Post-Post Foundationalism magazine & The Dublin Pub Lounger’s Frisbee team) both fell through.
CD: Weaver tell us a bit about your decision to try your hand in the blogging world.
DW: Well, for some time now Xanga and I have had a bad relationship. Some things were done in management that I really disapproved of, but then Blogspot Steinbrener called me up and like the rest of the blogging big leagues I’m for sale for the right price.
CD: Speaking of your transition into blogspot world, tell us about some of the new features that make your return “worth it” so to speak.
DW: I’ve been talking with Paola Poetic Pixy Dust lately, and she just can’t stop talking about all the great features of the blogspot.com, but most of all I just wanted to belong to the same community of blogging greats such as Harris ‘Princeton’ Bechtol, Matt ‘can I get a burger’ yes I’m Single-town, and of course always one more post than you modern ‘Carn-dog’.
CD: DW, what possessed you to pass up at least a three year contract with the Pub Loungers?
DW: Well, that was an enticing offer, but truth be told I wanted them to work the ‘unlimited amount of Guiness’ clause into my contract and they just wouldn’t. So I just said eff it”
CD: DW, this is a kids magazine.
DW: Sorry
CD: Does God know the future?
DW: the future doesn’t exist.
CD: will Jon Whitaker ever be friends with Carn-dawg again?
DW: no one knows including God…But it is probably likely that when dia delosa rolls around again next year they will start talking about things other than corporate election.
CD: If a guy were interested in starting a church, how could he make it post-emergent.
DW: well the obvious place to begin is to order 3,000 candles. Then you need to purchase some furniture and cover it with discounted material from the thrift seller. Make sure the community groups swear every once in a while and you are on your way.
CD: Weaver tell us a bit about your decision to try your hand in the blogging world.
DW: Well, for some time now Xanga and I have had a bad relationship. Some things were done in management that I really disapproved of, but then Blogspot Steinbrener called me up and like the rest of the blogging big leagues I’m for sale for the right price.
CD: Speaking of your transition into blogspot world, tell us about some of the new features that make your return “worth it” so to speak.
DW: I’ve been talking with Paola Poetic Pixy Dust lately, and she just can’t stop talking about all the great features of the blogspot.com, but most of all I just wanted to belong to the same community of blogging greats such as Harris ‘Princeton’ Bechtol, Matt ‘can I get a burger’ yes I’m Single-town, and of course always one more post than you modern ‘Carn-dog’.
CD: DW, what possessed you to pass up at least a three year contract with the Pub Loungers?
DW: Well, that was an enticing offer, but truth be told I wanted them to work the ‘unlimited amount of Guiness’ clause into my contract and they just wouldn’t. So I just said eff it”
CD: DW, this is a kids magazine.
DW: Sorry
CD: Does God know the future?
DW: the future doesn’t exist.
CD: will Jon Whitaker ever be friends with Carn-dawg again?
DW: no one knows including God…But it is probably likely that when dia delosa rolls around again next year they will start talking about things other than corporate election.
CD: If a guy were interested in starting a church, how could he make it post-emergent.
DW: well the obvious place to begin is to order 3,000 candles. Then you need to purchase some furniture and cover it with discounted material from the thrift seller. Make sure the community groups swear every once in a while and you are on your way.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Judas
Currently,
I'm sitting on my comfy couch Tivo-ing National Geo's "The Gospel of Judas." I don't know much about it yet, but a blip I heard on NPR identified it as a Gnostic gospel.
Anyhow this got me thinking, in part because of a discussion we had in our Mark Sunday school group this morning.
How do you deal with Judas' betrayal?
I guess I'm not really looking for an answer from a Calvinist...I think I got a good idea of how you might respond. But to my Arminian, Molonist, Open Theist, or mystery card friends, how do you deal with Judas betrayal of Jesus.
The Open Theist answers that God only predicted that someone would betray Jesus and based on human predictability knew that someone would fulfill the act, but not necessarily Judas. I'm not real sure how that one gets worked...maybe at the point of prophecy the finite number of might counterfactuals all included the story line of disciple betrays Jesus or something.
Even so, even open theisms ambiguous prophecy renders a future human free choice certain. Is this problematic? Could Judas be forgiven and with God in paradise?
love to hear some feedback.
Carney
I'm sitting on my comfy couch Tivo-ing National Geo's "The Gospel of Judas." I don't know much about it yet, but a blip I heard on NPR identified it as a Gnostic gospel.
Anyhow this got me thinking, in part because of a discussion we had in our Mark Sunday school group this morning.
How do you deal with Judas' betrayal?
I guess I'm not really looking for an answer from a Calvinist...I think I got a good idea of how you might respond. But to my Arminian, Molonist, Open Theist, or mystery card friends, how do you deal with Judas betrayal of Jesus.
The Open Theist answers that God only predicted that someone would betray Jesus and based on human predictability knew that someone would fulfill the act, but not necessarily Judas. I'm not real sure how that one gets worked...maybe at the point of prophecy the finite number of might counterfactuals all included the story line of disciple betrays Jesus or something.
Even so, even open theisms ambiguous prophecy renders a future human free choice certain. Is this problematic? Could Judas be forgiven and with God in paradise?
love to hear some feedback.
Carney
Friday, April 07, 2006
A Bloggin Nightmare
I regret to inform ya'll of two losses in the bloggin world.
If you've haven't already noticed two my links have been removed.
Shea 'livin' the dream' Butter
&
Ryan 'Dream Weaver' Weaver have both called it bloggin quits.
Ryan officially deleted his xanga site and Shea was overheard commenting "Well, I may not delete mine, but I'm not going to write anymore."
When asked what the future may hold Weaver commented,
"We'll see. I've got some interests in doing some beat poetry stuff for the emo magazine 'Post-Post foundationalism'. I'm also talking with a scout from Dublin Pub Loungers." For you American folk the Dublin Pub loungers are the N.L. frisbee team that proudly boasts a 2005 regular season N.L. pennant title.
When Butter was asked the same question
he responded, "my girlfriend and I are talking with some local Egyptians about doing a restaurant in Cairo. I've also inquired with the good Methodist school, Duke, about possibly doing Ph.D. work on "livin the dream in a post-religious, social, feminist society."
Both Butter and Weaver were bloggers for less than a year.
P.S. notice my crafty tie between the title which contains the word 'nightmare' and the word 'dream' that is affiliated with both bloggers.
If you've haven't already noticed two my links have been removed.
Shea 'livin' the dream' Butter
&
Ryan 'Dream Weaver' Weaver have both called it bloggin quits.
Ryan officially deleted his xanga site and Shea was overheard commenting "Well, I may not delete mine, but I'm not going to write anymore."
When asked what the future may hold Weaver commented,
"We'll see. I've got some interests in doing some beat poetry stuff for the emo magazine 'Post-Post foundationalism'. I'm also talking with a scout from Dublin Pub Loungers." For you American folk the Dublin Pub loungers are the N.L. frisbee team that proudly boasts a 2005 regular season N.L. pennant title.
When Butter was asked the same question
he responded, "my girlfriend and I are talking with some local Egyptians about doing a restaurant in Cairo. I've also inquired with the good Methodist school, Duke, about possibly doing Ph.D. work on "livin the dream in a post-religious, social, feminist society."
Both Butter and Weaver were bloggers for less than a year.
P.S. notice my crafty tie between the title which contains the word 'nightmare' and the word 'dream' that is affiliated with both bloggers.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
I haven't posted in a bit, and for some reason I feel like I've run out of things to talk about. Every since spring break, every mental task has seemed monumental. I haven't posted because I haven't really wanted to, and if you don't want to do something you shouldn't. Right? But then I'm scared going to lose my faithful readers, so this is the crap you get:).
I've been thinking about the environment lately. Ever since that special ran on sixty minutes I've been alarmed. For those of you who I haven't talked to about it, here is the summary. If the governments of the world don't do something drastic, NOW, in ten years the earth will begin to warm up 1 degree Celsius every year. That isn't Fahrenheit. That's Celsius meaning about 3 degrees Fahrenheit. Someone asked me today if I really believed the global warming story. I do, but admit that I'm no environmental scientist. However, a couple of conversations I've had recently all point to something being different. To begin with we had a 20 some day drought in Wisconsin and much of the rest of the Midwest this last summer. Texas had fire problems this last winter because of 8 months without rainfall. In a conversation with a seminary professor who owns a cabin in CO., he reported that the snow caps which usually survive all summer are now gone by mid July. And just last evening my mom reported a record early ice melting for our lake.
I try to be as balanced as I can in my politics. That's in part because I can't afford to make rhetorical comments because I don't have the knowledge to back them up. I quickly become exposed when I try. I'm not saying go all bicycle, though that would be cool, but I do think we need to take some steps towards taking better care of the earth. I joke in my upsilon bet chi meetings that I'm going to start a campaign called two which hands out green and blue rubber band bracelets to raise awareness about the environment.
On a different note, Lindsay and I are thinking about leaving the campus chaplain thing. We've been told that our move is definite, and so we've given serious thought about doing something else. All in good time though. The job has been a blessing and because of it I will not have to take out loans for the remainder of seminary.
That's about all I got maybe you'll get something better tomorrow.
I've been thinking about the environment lately. Ever since that special ran on sixty minutes I've been alarmed. For those of you who I haven't talked to about it, here is the summary. If the governments of the world don't do something drastic, NOW, in ten years the earth will begin to warm up 1 degree Celsius every year. That isn't Fahrenheit. That's Celsius meaning about 3 degrees Fahrenheit. Someone asked me today if I really believed the global warming story. I do, but admit that I'm no environmental scientist. However, a couple of conversations I've had recently all point to something being different. To begin with we had a 20 some day drought in Wisconsin and much of the rest of the Midwest this last summer. Texas had fire problems this last winter because of 8 months without rainfall. In a conversation with a seminary professor who owns a cabin in CO., he reported that the snow caps which usually survive all summer are now gone by mid July. And just last evening my mom reported a record early ice melting for our lake.
I try to be as balanced as I can in my politics. That's in part because I can't afford to make rhetorical comments because I don't have the knowledge to back them up. I quickly become exposed when I try. I'm not saying go all bicycle, though that would be cool, but I do think we need to take some steps towards taking better care of the earth. I joke in my upsilon bet chi meetings that I'm going to start a campaign called two which hands out green and blue rubber band bracelets to raise awareness about the environment.
On a different note, Lindsay and I are thinking about leaving the campus chaplain thing. We've been told that our move is definite, and so we've given serious thought about doing something else. All in good time though. The job has been a blessing and because of it I will not have to take out loans for the remainder of seminary.
That's about all I got maybe you'll get something better tomorrow.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Learning to live and live well
When I was young I remember someone telling me that the reason I never put on my seatbelt was because I was young and when you are young you think you are in invincible...never to die. "Of course I'll die someday," I thought to myself. But in retrospect I realize that I really didn't get it.
My first hard lesson came on an early Saturday morning my freshman year of college. Sleeping till 11:30ish I had ignored three morning phone calls. I got up the third time though. Somehow I knew it was someone from my family, and the third time was a good indicator that some sort of emergency had occurred..
When I finally returned my sister's call I got the crushing news that two 15-year-old friends from my youth-group had been killed in a car accident on a way to a youth-group function (much like one of Texas's disciple now from what I gather). Andy and Cody were so young. It was both unbelievable and unbearable. How could they have died? That was impossible I told myself.
The second major life lesson came this last fall. Out of all the serenities of Kyle's death the strangest to me was that Kyle, someone who displayed more life than most people I know, was now dead. There aren't answers only astonishment and sadness.
These two events have been instrumental in moving me from this attitude of invincibility to putting me very much in touch with the fact that someday I will in fact die. It hits me every once in a while. I'll be lying there in bed. It's almost comical that I really get it every now and then, almost forgetting the rest of the time. My heart speeds up a bit and slipping off into slumber land is pushed off for another ten minutes. Josh Carney will die someday. That is bizarre to me.
It is in light of this impending reality that I hear Kyle's voice. “Live and live well.” Live well because you won't live forever. This is one of those powerful statements that really can't be unpacked until you have some life experience with the term and some time to process the term. I remember reading a post Craig wrote some time ago in response to the pagans who took the liberty of explaining the theological reasons for Kyle's death. He said something to the effect of "I was going to write a response, exegeting each verse to point out how they had used each verse wrong, but then realized that, that would not be living and living well."
It hit me. Living and living well can have as much to do with the every day small decisions as it can with major life choices. Maybe even more. One thing I've come to realize in seminary is that there will never be this point in my life where I can start living this ideal life because I have now gotten all the pre-requisites done. After PhD (if PhD) it will be something new. No, if I'm going to live and live well, I have to start doing it now.
This is why I don't mind spending an hour and a half sitting around the lunch table on Mondays eating with friends when I should be doing homework. This is why I try to drive down to Georgetown at least once a month to see my brother's family even though I hate paying for gas. This is why I go to two community groups and lead Sunday school. This is why I play frisbee when I have work to do. This is why I put my arm around my wife when I sleep even though I get really hot in the process. These are moments that are worth living and living well...and I try doing so because life is most certainly a gift.
My first hard lesson came on an early Saturday morning my freshman year of college. Sleeping till 11:30ish I had ignored three morning phone calls. I got up the third time though. Somehow I knew it was someone from my family, and the third time was a good indicator that some sort of emergency had occurred..
When I finally returned my sister's call I got the crushing news that two 15-year-old friends from my youth-group had been killed in a car accident on a way to a youth-group function (much like one of Texas's disciple now from what I gather). Andy and Cody were so young. It was both unbelievable and unbearable. How could they have died? That was impossible I told myself.
The second major life lesson came this last fall. Out of all the serenities of Kyle's death the strangest to me was that Kyle, someone who displayed more life than most people I know, was now dead. There aren't answers only astonishment and sadness.
These two events have been instrumental in moving me from this attitude of invincibility to putting me very much in touch with the fact that someday I will in fact die. It hits me every once in a while. I'll be lying there in bed. It's almost comical that I really get it every now and then, almost forgetting the rest of the time. My heart speeds up a bit and slipping off into slumber land is pushed off for another ten minutes. Josh Carney will die someday. That is bizarre to me.
It is in light of this impending reality that I hear Kyle's voice. “Live and live well.” Live well because you won't live forever. This is one of those powerful statements that really can't be unpacked until you have some life experience with the term and some time to process the term. I remember reading a post Craig wrote some time ago in response to the pagans who took the liberty of explaining the theological reasons for Kyle's death. He said something to the effect of "I was going to write a response, exegeting each verse to point out how they had used each verse wrong, but then realized that, that would not be living and living well."
It hit me. Living and living well can have as much to do with the every day small decisions as it can with major life choices. Maybe even more. One thing I've come to realize in seminary is that there will never be this point in my life where I can start living this ideal life because I have now gotten all the pre-requisites done. After PhD (if PhD) it will be something new. No, if I'm going to live and live well, I have to start doing it now.
This is why I don't mind spending an hour and a half sitting around the lunch table on Mondays eating with friends when I should be doing homework. This is why I try to drive down to Georgetown at least once a month to see my brother's family even though I hate paying for gas. This is why I go to two community groups and lead Sunday school. This is why I play frisbee when I have work to do. This is why I put my arm around my wife when I sleep even though I get really hot in the process. These are moments that are worth living and living well...and I try doing so because life is most certainly a gift.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
A Closing thought for this fine Friday evening
I've been reading Kafka with my leisure time lately. He's got me thinking about secular existentialism and its relationship to what we have come to tag postmodernism. I've read somewhere (can't remember) that some have picked the holocaust as the defining moment marking the beginning of postmodernism because it characterized the ultimate act of humanity's crime against itself.
This is the dark side of this concept that never shows up in books like McLaren's.
I've got an analogy. In Walk the Line, there is a seen when Cash walks into the woods and passes out. It's the part where the movie plays the Waylon Jennings song. From what I gather, the movie is trying to synthesize and opitomize Cash's current condition. Passed out in the middle of no where. That is kind of where modernism's overly optimistic hope in self got us. To this place where, with all our jazz, we were passed out in the middle of no where.
Maybe there will be a nice house to buy just over the hill where we can recover from this disease.
This is the dark side of this concept that never shows up in books like McLaren's.
I've got an analogy. In Walk the Line, there is a seen when Cash walks into the woods and passes out. It's the part where the movie plays the Waylon Jennings song. From what I gather, the movie is trying to synthesize and opitomize Cash's current condition. Passed out in the middle of no where. That is kind of where modernism's overly optimistic hope in self got us. To this place where, with all our jazz, we were passed out in the middle of no where.
Maybe there will be a nice house to buy just over the hill where we can recover from this disease.
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