The most cheating case of Nintendo computer cheatingness ever.

My relief from the punishment of the world, or at least the stress of seminary, is super tecmo bowl on my original NES.

If any of you grew up in the original NES generation you know all about the computer cheating. It doesn’t happen all the time and usually you can conquer a game if you play it long enough, but every once in a while the computer cheats and the computer cheats bad.

Last Friday I came home from work and played the next game in my Atlanta Falcon regular season. This game happened to be the super bowl. For those of you who don’t know this is how tecmo bowl works. The computer usually does little to challenge your team at the beginning of the season. However, throughout the season the computer gets better until you reach the crescendo of winning the game that will clinch your division. When the playoffs role around the difficulty level usually lessens a little. So having cruised passed the 49ers and the Giants I played the 10-6 Stealers in the super bowl.

I was crippled by the fact the season MVP running back Mike Rozier was injured, but I still had back up quarterback and pro-bowler Hugh Millen and an all star cast of defensive players including Deion Sanders, Tory Epps, and Jesse Tuggle.

Things were a little sticky by half time when I found myself down 14-7, mostly on account of a few computer forced turnovers, but in my fabricated halftime interview I told Stuart Scott that when we play our best football we can’t be beaten and that was exactly what was going to happen in the second half.

I’ll take you straight to the drama. With about two minutes left I’m down 21-14, yet putting together a promising drive. I called a pass play and ran with my pro-bowl quarterback who gets the first down and is subsequently injured on the same play. Now I’m without both my all star running back and quarter back with about 2 minutes to go and 30 yards to drive. Bring in former starter Chris Miller and on the first hand off to Steve Broussard I fumble. Amazingly Michael Haynes comes flying through a pack of about 6 Stealers recovers the fumble and gets another first down. One play later Miller finds Andre Rison in the end zone to tie things up. I kick off and they return it to about the 40 yard line. They make a couple of key plays and get inside their 30-yard line, well inside of field goal range. With about 15 seconds left they kick the field goal. Amazingly I block it. Merrill Hodge who normally runs about 10 second 40 somehow gained superman speed and ran for about 200 yards, recovered the fumble and ran all the way till he was two yards shy of the first down. Great turn over right? Nope, clock ran out.

To over time I go. I win the coin toss and elect to receive. The Stealers decide to kick an onside kick and get it. At about the fifty, furious, my defense drives them back 3 straight plays to about the 42-yard line. Anticipating a punt, I get mentally prepared. Nope they decide to kick a field goal again. What is ridiculous for those of you who don’t know football is that this would be about a 75-yard field goal. The record in the NFL is about 63 yards. I’m thinking even if Gary Anderson, by the way who has and atrocious post season track record, kicks it perfect, it will certainly fall short.

The impossible.

Distraught, I headed to the elite bar and grill to share my woes to my Friday afternoon friends.