the imperfect

The Greek has two forms of past tense verbs, the aorist and the imperfect. The imperfect is defined as “a continuous action usually in the past.” Some might say it’s an action that was completed in the past, but the effects of it can still be felt today. For example, I have already eaten dinner, so I’m not hungry right now.

I never gave the imperfect much thought. Recently though it has helped me understand something that occurs from time to time. Every once in a while I’ll be doing something and then it happens, like John Lynch lighting up receivers on a slant pattern, I’m stopped dead in my tracks. I think the first time it happened to me I was in line for popcorn at the dollar theatre and I looked over on the wall to see the “coming soon” movie posters. Lord of War, starring Nicholas Cage, coming soon. Then the memory, bitter sweet, sets in. The last time I had thought about that movie was talking with Kyle. We were at Johnny Carino’s with a group of about ten people. It was a Friday night, and Jen was out of town with the Kids. Kyle told me he was going to use his night alone to go see the movie later with Blair. What movie I asked? Lord of War, he replied.

Here’s another one. We finally got our Tivo working, thanks to Baylor phone services. While setting it up I see the Tivo guy come to the screen. Then the memory begins. We were at the Lakes last year for the couple’s ice-cream social. It was only the 2nd or 3rd time I’d met Kyle. I was playing my cards just right. Trying to say something impressive so he’d remember who I was. As we were talking he hits a button on his remote and the live Redskin/Cowboy’s game starts fast-forwarding. Bewildered, I ask what is going on. Kyle replied with the enthusiasm that you know if you’ve talked to Kyle even once, “You don’t know what Tivo is?!? Oh, man you are missing out. This is the best thing ever!”

Or there are the more simple ones. I’m looking for a past sent e-mail and there, it is in the sent items box. re: Sunday, to: kyle@ubc.org, I just sit and stare at the screen for a minute and half. I think to myself “it can’t be real.” Or the other week when I was when I was cleaning out my cell phone of numbers I never call anymore. Through the H’s, I’s, J’s, then the K’s. I don’t even want to delete it. I’m not sure why. I guess in a selfish way it helps me ignore reality. So though I’ll never call that number again, I leave it in my phone.

I’m sure we all have these moments. These moments when an action brought to completion in the past is felt, and felt deeply in present. These moments seem so imperfect.