I’ve been thinking a lot about the question “what is the gospel” as is evidenced by a few of my recent posts.
I feel like I’ve given up on the epistemological (confess Jesus as your savior) leg. Not because it’s not true, but because it is the leg we’ve seen abused our whole lives. Like televangelists or even evangelists who just get you to confess that you believed a certain story line was true 2000 years ago. I like how my friend Lanny puts it. It’s about insurance and it is difficult to have a relationship with insurance.
The power and the notion of the epistemological leg has been redeemed for me recently. We hired a new ranger at work who has been a Christian for three years. He uses some of the language I despise, but something incredible happens when he tells me his conversion story. I’m deeply moved. I think I’m moved because though he uses some of the language I don’t like, I get that for him the language means something genuine deep within him. His words aren't coated with the baggage of the church. He describes or better yet has trouble describing the weeks or so before he decided to pray the prayer.
I ask the question about knowledge. “Was it really that you just didn’t understand the story of Jesus and someone told it to you and then a light bulb went off and you believed?” Knowledge is the problem, but it’s not propositional knowledge…it’s belief knowledge and the way that belief knowledge changes you. Empowers you from the inside. Stirs your soul.
He throws out these powerful lines like, “well I guess I started to read the Bible and I just couldn’t put it down…I don’t know why I couldn’t…I just couldn’t.” And I ask him, when you actually decided to pray the prayer did something happen? He hesitates, “yeah, this peace came over me.” So then my smart ass, and yet curious ass asks him that if he thinks he would have been saved had he died five seconds before he prayed the prayer and he gives a response that reminds me of what the faith used to be about before I spent years bogged down in seminary and theological questions, “I guess only God knows that.”
I like his story. I like it because he wrestled with this “decision” to become a Christian for weeks before he did it. I like because as awkward as it was, he and his believing mother sat down and prayed about how he was feeling when he started to think about becoming a Christian. I like his story because when I asked him about who he was before he was a Christian and he said, “well I guess I always believed in God, I just didn’t want to acknowledge Him because then I would have to admit there was a problem with me.”
I take that kind of statement and Romans seems alive for me again. I think my problem and it is problem I’m grateful for is that I grew up in Christian home knowing the power of believing knowledge my whole life. But perhaps I forgot or even don’t really know what it was like to struggle to believe and this is why my friends words are so enchanting.
Well I’m not sure this helped, but at least it’s out of my head. I can sleep now.